“Bring back whatshername!” says woman who totally watches Love Island, honest
An autistic woman who totally watches Love Island, honest, has attempted to join in the morning chat in the office, it has been rumoured. Beth Hapworth, 29, who works as an in-house accountant for an office supplies company, is said to “absolutely love all the...
Savant! Woman’s autistic superpower is reciting entirety of 1998’s The Parent Trap
A Manchester woman has wowed onlookers by revealing that her autistic superpower is the ability to recite the entirety of Lindsay Lohan’s 1998 film, The Parent Trap, complete with hammy accents and elaborate secret handshake, it has been reported. Krista Shure, 35, was delivering a...
Autistic woman forced to undergo hour of small talk rewarded with haircut
An autistic woman is reportedly “horrified” after being forced to partake in 56 minutes of drawn out chatter in exchange for a simple cut and blow – and then being asked to pay £40 for her ordeal. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Crosby, realised her mistake...
“I think?” Autistic woman prefaces highly specific knowledge to sound less weird
An autistic woman has honed the art of looking normal – despite having a near-encyclopaedic knowledge of all three Bridget Jones films, it has been rumoured. Ellie Mulligan, 34, knows extensive character lore, filming facts and even where they bought Mark Darcy’s folding underpants from. ...
Love rat! Autistic man cheats on long-term T-shirt
An autistic man’s T-shirt is devastated to discover that after five years of exclusivity, its owner has purchased a second one, sources have revealed. The black cotton T-shirt had recently celebrated five happy years with autistic man, Dexter Livingstone, 29, but was left “shocked and...
“Do it your fucking self!” Autistic woman fired by kitchen fitters for micromanaging the living shit out of them
In an entirely precedented turn of events, an autistic woman has been fired by a kitchen company after she tried to fit the kitchen herself. Paige Thomas, 42, hired Kitchens Kitchens More Kitchens to design and fit her kitchen, which she then failed to allow...
Heartbreak! Autistic woman adores itchy top she can’t wear without screaming
After snapping up the black mesh top of her dreams, an autistic woman is devastated to learn that she can’t actually wear it. Paige Thomas, 26, from Bury, explained: “I look so fuckable in it. Like, Catherine-Zeta-Jones-in-Chicago levels. But I can’t keep it on more...
Woman experiences epiphany after man says she doesn’t look autistic
Despite waiting years to be formally diagnosed, an autistic woman found herself unexpectedly enlightened yesterday, sources have confirmed. Emma Bernard, 29, had her world changed forever at her Great Uncle’s 70th bash when, whilst retrieving a sausage roll, a man told her that she really...
Amazing! Autistic woman’s life story somehow longer than actual life
An autistic woman who started telling her life story 45 minutes ago has only just got to the moment of her conception, sources have said. Pippa Durham, 28, was attending a comedy night when the comedian on stage asked if she’d travelled far to be...
