An autistic woman has been critically injured after stabbing herself with a garden fork last week, following yet another recommendation that she “give that mysterious dog book a go,” it has been reported. 

Kelsey Dacey, 34, from Warrington, was only diagnosed 11 weeks ago – but when a 69th person said, “you’d quite like this, I think,” she’d finally had enough. Eyewitnesses reported seeing her flinging her arms at the sky, shouting: “Fuck Christopher Bloody Boone.”

“It’s a novel about a 15-year-old mathematician,” said Graeme Hart, 42, who was confused by the reaction. “As an adult woman in her 30s, you’d have thought it would be right up her street.”

Hart generously intends on visiting her in hospital with a present. “It’s a DVD of the new Sia film. I hope it cheers her up.”

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