An autistic woman having a wonderful time on a date has become increasingly suspicious after failing to detect anything wrong with it, according to reports.

Beth Hapworth, 27, became wary of 26-year-old Noah Fields over the course of their dinner date after he revealed himself to be a pleasant, well-adjusted human being. Fields’ lack of generalised disdain for women, absence of troubling political views and apparent commitment to personal hygiene have led Hapworth to conclude that he must be some sort of serial killer.

Hapworth said: “He works in IT, and has a positive-to-neutral relationship with his colleagues. He organises board game nights with his friends of all genders, but makes sure they all leave by 9pm so he can walk his elderly dog. I am so uncomfortable right now.”

“I ordered three courses,” Hapworth continued. “And instead of commenting on how much I was eating, he suggested we get a third dessert between us to share. I don’t know if I should marry him or call the police.”

Fields said: “I completely understand Beth’s apprehension. It’s hard for women to feel safe in a patriarchal society where – Beth? Where are you going?”

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