Headline by John Butler

An autistic boy is reportedly looking helplessly at a football as if its purpose and function are complete mysteries.

Finley Rice, 11, made the mistake of walking past a group of kids having what they ominously called “a kickabout” in the park, when another child kicked the ball in Rice’s direction, having mistaken him for someone who instinctively knows what to do when that happens. 

Fellow child, Mary Walker, 10, commented: “As soon as I kicked the ball to Finley, I realised I’d made a terrible mistake. I mean, look at him.”

Eyewitnesses reported Rice looking momentarily startled, like someone had lobbed a grenade at him, before staring, vaguely dissociative, at the strange round object gently coming to a stop at his feet.

Rice said: “What do they expect me to do with this? Hit it with my feet? But how? And why? Is this a metaphor for the perils of capitalism in an increasingly disconnected society? What even is life?”

At the time of publication, Rice was still gazing contemplatively at the ball long after all the other children had given up and gone home. 

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