Wow! Child with autism on talent show inspires by being distinctly mediocre
An 11-year-old autistic boy who appeared on This Country’s Quite Gifted has stunned audiences – by singing in a way that would be entirely expected for a child his age. Finley Rice – who ocassionally hums along to whatever’s on in the car – appeared...
Great, thanks! Autistic woman asked about gap in employment
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Woman looks beyond girlfriend’s autism – by staring at her tits
A woman who bravely met an autistic woman for a drink realised there was much more to her than her autism when she noticed something else first: an absolutely impeccable rack. When Beth Hapworth, 28, first noticed her date Emma Bernard, 33, across the bar,...
It’s all good material, says autistic woman who will never do stand-up
An autistic woman with zero desire to enter the comedy circuit convinces herself “it’s all good material” every time her life starts falling to pieces, it has been revealed. Paige Thomas, 31, from Old Trafford, insists on using the helpful phrase when things go wrong...
Autistic woman relates to protagonist everybody else finds fucking insufferable
An autistic woman has been left feeling ashamed after identifying with the narrator of a novel that everybody else hates, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 26, attended a local reading group last Monday evening to discuss Sally Rooney’s Conversations With Friends. She was about...
Autistic woman mistakes shit workplace lighting for aurora borealis
An autistic woman who claimed to have seen the Northern Lights “multiple times” was actually just thinking of the ones at her open-plan office, it has been revealed. Alma Montague, 38, from Wallasey, described being confused by the excitement on social media – as spectacular...
Autistic Swedish pop fan accidentally signs up for ABA
A lifelong lover of the band ABBA has mistakenly signed up for a course of Applied Behaviour Anaylsis, it has been reported. When autistic woman Paula Mulberry, 32, arrived at We Don’t Care Therapy Centre, she believed she was auditioning for an upcoming tribute band....
Autistic child sent to school with egg sandwich – just to top it off
An autistic schoolgirl has been given an egg-mayonnaise sandwich to take in her packed lunch in an act some would describe as “unforgivable”, it has been reported. Mary Walker, eight, has always struggled to make friends. The only appropriate solution, her mother Paula Walker, 43,...
Heartbreak! Autistic woman adores itchy top she can’t wear without screaming
After snapping up the black mesh top of her dreams, an autistic woman is devastated to learn that she can’t actually wear it. Paige Thomas, 26, from Bury, explained: “I look so fuckable in it. Like, Catherine-Zeta-Jones-in-Chicago levels. But I can’t keep it on more...
Autistic woman stabs herself with pitchfork after being recommended Dog in the Night-Time book again
An autistic woman has been critically injured after stabbing herself with a garden fork last week, following yet another recommendation that she “give that mysterious dog book a go,” it has been reported. Kelsey Dacey, 34, from Warrington, was only diagnosed 11 weeks ago –...
