She’s gone method! Woman inspired by Exorcist refuses to leave bed
An autistic woman recently inspired by The Exorcist (1973) is refusing to leave her bed this Halloween, according to reports. Siobhan Moorton, 34, from Newton-le-Willows, issued the statement: “I’m not depressed, I’m possessed.” “Honestly, I’ve been having such a rough mental health time recently,” Moorton’s...
Phew! Autistic person who bumped into acquaintance relieved to be sucked down grate by clown
An autistic person about to risk running into somebody they knew in public described themselves as “grateful” to be dragged away by a scary clown, say sources. Kit McGodden, 26, was walking through the ASDA car park when they spotted former schoolteacher Sarah Harrow, 56,...
Fright night? Autistic woman frightened every night by The Thoughts
An autistic woman doesn’t have to wait until Halloween to freak herself out due to grappling with existential despair 365 nights a year, it has been reported. Every evening, Niamh Callaghan, 31, from Manchester, journeys through a real-life horror film – happening in her head. ...
Crazy! Dress like a mental patient this Halloween with joggers and a hoodie
Forget the straitjacket costumes! It’s time to REALLY dress mentally ill. Frighten all your friends on October 31st… by dressing like a regular person. To get that fresh-from-the-insane-asylum look, you’ll need a comfy sweater, some tracksuit bottoms and… wait, that’s it, you’re done! Who would...
Terrifying! Autistic woman unmasks for Halloween
An autistic woman has scared everybody shitless by unmasking her autism for Halloween, according to reports. Emma Bernard, 30, from Leicester, has spent the day terrifying colleagues at the office by commiting to the horrifying act of being herself. Despite one overzealous coworker turning up...
Scary! Neurotypical decorates home with chilling motivational quotes
A neurotypical woman has reportedly terrified guests with her collection of eerie wall quotes. Deborah Whitehead, 57, from Cheshire, has chosen to furnish her home with obnoxiously positive wall prints, even in the bathroom – in case you were ever thinking about going in there...
Autistic woman fine with horror films freaked out by terse sounding email
An autistic woman who can cope with the head-spinning scene from The Exorcist (1973) has been left fearing for her life after receiving an email response that seemed slightly clipped, according to reports. Sources say Siobhan Moorton, 31, spotted the message in her inbox this...
Our little pumpkin! Neurotypical woman admits she fucked a vegetable
A neurotypical woman has announced her pregnancy on Instagram by suggesting an orange spherical gourd gave her its seed, it has been confirmed. Becky Armitage, 29, from Cheshire – who posted: “I, along with my husband Ryan, am overjoyed to welcome our little pumpkin” –...
Woman excited to make soup remembers she fucking hates soup
An autistic woman “looking forward to making soup this autumn” has just recalled how much she actually fucking hates it, sources have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 31, from Sheffield, was initially thrilled at the prospect of chopping almost-expired vegetables and draining thick, murky water from cans...
Autistic woman who “loves everything fall” breaks leg tumbling from window
A autistic woman who saw several Instagram posts captioned “get fall ready” took this as a literal instruction and has hurled herself from an upstairs window, reports have indicated. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Huddersfield, hates pumpkin-spice lattes, but loves the feeling of descending from a...
