An autistic woman so compulsively honest she has never skipped through a single ‘Terms and Conditions’ been universally condemned as an outrageous liar, according to sources.

Niamh Callaghan, 40, who once farted in a lift and immediately announced, “I’m so sorry, that was me,” finds herself unable to convince anyone to believe a word she says – especially when she is telling the truth, for some reason.

“It must be something about my face, maybe?” Callaghan speculated. “Or my voice? Or that I seem to have ‘I’m a nefarious cartoon villain who’s allergic to honesty’ tattooed across my forehead?’

Sociologist Professor Chi-Young Lee explained: “In Greek mythology, Cassandra was cursed to prophesy the future but never be believed. She predicted the fall of Troy, but none of the Trojans would listen so they all died horribly. Callaghan is a sort of modern-day Cassandra, but rather than having pissed off Apollo, she just looks a bit shifty.”

Callaghan’s GP, Dr Graeme Hart, added: “She’s definitely inventing her migraines for fun. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, but the Hippocratic oath prevents me from throwing her, so I’ve settled for just writing ‘entrenched in delusion’ on her record whenever she comes in.”

“She just isn’t giving ‘migraine’, you know? It’s more like ‘TV psychic pressing her fingers to her temples before she scams a vulnerable older woman out of £50.’”

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