A multiply neurodivergent woman has finally collected enough stamps on her diagnosis loyalty card for a free existential crisis, according to reports.
Ima Onwugbenu, 29, has been diligently collecting diagnoses ever since she was diagnosed with autism. She has since amassed a variety of acronyms and things that start with “dys”, and now has enough points with the NHS to qualify for an extended crashout that will make her question her entire life to date.
Onwugbenu said: “Racking up diagnoses is pretty costly, so I was delighted when my assessor said ‘Here, Ima, this one’s on us’, and handed me a mirror that shows every iteration of my past, false self cracking and splintering into a gloomy abyss.”
“I’ve also been prescribed the song Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, which I’m to listen to until I feel like I can, in fact, handle the seasons of my life.”
Assessor Siobhan Moorton, 34, replied: “I warned Ima that it might take several applications of Landslide before she sees results.”
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