Astronomers have gathered for a rare cosmic event – an autistic woman using a chair as intended, it has been reported.

Ffiona Maw, 44, has rarely sat upright in a chair with her feet on the floor, instead hunching and twisting into the shape of either a pretzel, a cashew or a gargoyle. According to Maw, this is because sitting normally hurts in the short term, and by sitting horribly she can save her pain for the long term.

Maw added: “I did sit ‘properly’ once – about 37 years ago when I was strapped into the teacup ride at a carnival. Agony.”

Astronomers believe Maw may repeat her position at an upcoming visit to a showroom, during which she is expected to test a stairlift for her father. Dr Des Ackerman said: “For just a brief moment, everyone in the Northern Hemisphere – or at least You Raise Me Up Stairlifts in Battersea – will be able to see Ffiona sitting in a chair the way other people do.”

“And then she’ll make a face and switch back to crouching on top of it like Spider-Man.”

Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.

You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.