An autistic woman whose resting body language says “any second I will snap and rain down fire and brimstone upon you” reportedly has no such issues when it comes to unspoken communication with cats. 

Alma Montague, 34, who routinely keeps her arms folded tightly over her chest like someone might try to steal her boobs, is an expert in making new feline friends without exchanging a single word. 

Montague said: “When it comes to humans, I can’t seem to remove my shoulders from my ears, I’m always jiggling my knee like I’m about to piss my pants and my eyes dart wildly about like I’ve been caught red-handed doing an actual murder.”

“See, now, what you have to do with cats is approach with care, while slow blinking to show you’re not an enemy,” Montague continued. “Then when they give you permission, a chirp or a curious trot over, only then may you present them with the back of your hand to sniff.”

“If you have been Chosen, you may then progress to tentative scritchies, while being sure to remove your hand should they suddenly change their mind about you and take a finger. You know what? It works well for me. I might try it on a person.”

Delivery driver, Lloyd Didcot, 44, commented: “I’m not delivering there again. When I tried to take a picture of the delivered package, she started making kissing and chirping noises, before full-on headbutting me.”

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