An autistic woman’s awkward phase has encompassed her entire life to date, it has been revealed.
30-year-old Beth Hapworth reportedly expected to grow out of her period of dodgy haircuts, embarrassing style experiments and responding to everything by saying “fab-a-roo”, but despite being an adult with a child and a mortgage, has seen no indication that it will ever draw to a close.
Hapworth explained: “My awkward phase began at birth, when on the way out, I accidentally insulted my mother’s vagina, and has only gone downhill from there.”
“I thought it would end in my mid-late teens,” Hapworth continued. “But as my peers all found their personal style, interests and confidence, I was busy trying to figure out how to not accidentally talk like a pirate.”
“I’m a mum now,” Hapworth added. “So I’d hoped that would help me have it all figured out – but unfortunately I just responded to a GP receptionist telling me my baby is beautiful by saying ‘thanks, so are you’.”
“Anyway, I’d best be off,” Hapworth concluded. “Yarrrr goodbye me hearties!”
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