An autistic woman whose birth certificate claims she is 36 is actually several thousand years old in autistic years, researchers have discovered.
Olivia Buckingham, 7543, reportedly experiences time in what scientists are calling an “eternal relentless slog continuum”.
Expert Dr. Graeme Hart explained: “Olivia was only 7423 just this morning – but then she did the dishes, her cat threw up on the rug and her mum called to brag about reducing miscellaneous service staff to tears.”
“By lunchtime, she was 7500,” Dr. Hart continued. “But celebrating that milestone was so exhausting, it aged her another 43 years.”
Buckingham commented: “This is awful. By the time I can retire, I’ll be at least five million.”
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