An autistic woman whose birth certificate claims she is 36 is actually several thousand years old in autistic years, researchers have discovered.
Olivia Buckingham, 7543, reportedly experiences time in what scientists are calling an “eternal relentless slog continuum”.
Expert Dr. Graeme Hart explained: “Olivia was only 7423 just this morning – but then she did the dishes, her cat threw up on the rug and her mum called to brag about reducing miscellaneous service staff to tears.”
“By lunchtime, she was 7500,” Dr. Hart continued. “But celebrating that milestone was so exhausting, it aged her another 43 years.”
Buckingham commented: “This is awful. By the time I can retire, I’ll be at least five million.”
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
