A recent study has reportedly found that the beautiful colour-coded schedule you made to help you get your life together is not a substitute for a working frontal lobe.

Researchers have discovered that the more you tell yourself what to do via rainbow-coloured blocks of “focus time”, the more your brain will rebel and restrict you to playing House Flipper until your eyes bleed.

Dr Naveed Azkhat, who led the study, said: “We’ve long believed that visual schedules are helpful for people with autism and ADHD, and indeed they’re probably better than leaving it up to the gods of chaos, but they make one fatal assumption: that once you’ve got the calendar done, the hard part is over. This fails to account for the fact that when you’re neurodivergent, everything feels like ‘the hard part’.”

The team also found that you fundamentally don’t understand not only how long things should take, but how much work you can reasonably complete in a day without completely neglecting your physical and emotional wellbeing, which means you are, in scientific terms, ‘Categorically fucked’.

When asked whether there was an alternative, Dr Azkhat said: “We’re not sure. Maybe just download another productivity app for a month and a half and spend more time setting it up than using it.”

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