Autistic woman who tries harder than everybody still the worstest
Despite putting in more effort than everybody on the planet combined, an autistic woman is still constantly ballsing up when it comes to socialising, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 26, spends hours a day faking conversations with herself before her work shifts – yet…
Yet another free trial to feel like great idea at time
Yet another free trial subscription has announced plans to briefly feel like a stroke of genius. Neurodivergent Tax Magazine said in a statement released today: “Go on! You can cancel any time. You won’t, but you can.” The statement continued: “It’s the perfect solution. You...
Autism diagnosis still waiting for woman
An autism diagnosis is anxiously awaiting for her woman to turn up for an ASD assessment. Autism, 36 – who has been hanging about an NHS assessment centre for as many years – still holds out hope that Sarah Harrow, 36, might have a mid-life...
Autistic man amasses world’s largest collection of grudges
An autistic man has invited reporters to view his record-breaking grudge collection. Gavin Monks, 43, has had a special focus on grudges his entire life and now has whole rooms in his home dedicated to them. Monks said: “This is my room for everyday grudges....
Autistic woman “supporting close friend through hard time” actually thinking of TV character
An autistic woman whose emotional resources have been depleted by “holding space for a loved one” is actually referring to Toadie from the Australian soap opera, Neighbours. Freya Emerson, 33, has become increasingly concerned for Jarrod “Toadfish” Rebecchi since he recently started exhibiting erratic behaviour...
Autistic child refusing to smile simply thinks you’re dull
New evidence has uncovered a possible reason why autistic children don’t grin back at you — they simply think you’re ridiculous. Experts have been monitoring Lottie Fitzgerald, three, who had remained stony faced throughout her parents’ attempts to entertain her. The couple from Congleton, Cheshire,...
Woman without autism will never lead abnormal life
A woman who suffers from not having autism will tragically lead an entirely ordinary life, sources have confirmed. Becky Armitage, 35, whose hair is an ordinary blonde colour without a single streak of rainbow in there, has been written off by doctors as “profoundly basic”....
Autistic woman who thinks she’s boss’s new best friend actually being micromanaged
An autistic woman being excessively supervised at work has understood the situation somewhat differently, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 25, from Wigan, was thrilled when her boss started scheduling regular “catch-ups”, interpreting it as a sign they were “really hitting it off as mates.”...
Autistic man stranded on desert island asks rescue team for a couple more weeks
An autistic man who became stranded on a desert island after a shipwreck has asked the search and rescue team who found him if they wouldn’t mind fucking off again, reports have confirmed. Concerns have been growing for Eddie Albington, 45, ever since he was...
Autistic woman cosplays as woman
An autistic woman has dedicated herself to cosplaying as an ordinary woman in her everyday life, it has been revealed. Emma Bernard, 28, from Huyton, first began dressing up as Emma Bernard (Normal Version) in her early teens – after people routinely rejected her for...
Woman disappointed they don’t grade autism assessments
An autistic woman has reportedly been left devastated upon discovering that her autism assessment was simply pass or fail. Despite Paige Thomas, 27, diligently preparing for her appointment by revising every detail of her life to date, providing copious written course work and extra assignments...
So brave! Autistic woman opts for slightly different ready meal
In a self-described “moment of madness”, an autistic woman has purchased a supermarket ready meal for tonight that wasn’t her normal one, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 27, from Derby, usually buys the spinach and ricotta cannelloni from Tesco Express on a Friday evening...
Man instantly regrets telling autistic woman to smile more
A neurotypical man is being treated for shock after an autistic woman who he told to “smile more” actually did, emergency services have confirmed. Gavin Monks, 52, told stranger Emma Bernard, 30, that she would be a lot prettier if she turned that frown upside...
