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    Beauty, News

    Autistic woman forced to undergo hour of small talk rewarded with haircut 

    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 2 min read  

    An autistic woman is reportedly “horrified” after being forced to partake in 56 minutes of drawn out chatter in exchange for a simple cut and blow – and then being asked to pay £40 for her ordeal. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Crosby, realised her mistake…

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    Lifestyle, News

    “I think?” Autistic woman prefaces highly specific knowledge to sound less weird 

    An autistic woman has honed the art of looking normal – despite having a near-encyclopaedic knowledge of all three Bridget Jones films, it has been rumoured. Ellie Mulligan, 34, knows extensive character lore, filming facts and even where they bought Mark Darcy’s folding underpants from. ...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    “What if I’m not autistic?” Stresses person handing assessor 91-page dissertation about life  

    An autistic person is anxious that they won’t receive a formal diagnosis at their upcoming autism assessment – despite providing the psychologist with a folder the size of Tolstoy’s War and Peace.  Avery Mann, 40, who was asked to give “a few examples” about their...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Wow! Child with autism on talent show inspires by being distinctly mediocre 

    An 11-year-old autistic boy who appeared on This Country’s Quite Gifted has stunned audiences – by singing in a way that would be entirely expected for a child his age. Finley Rice – who ocassionally hums along to whatever’s on in the car – appeared...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Friendships, News

    Non-autistic friend who cancelled plans apologises for causing untold joy 

    A non-autistic friend who cancelled plans is really sorry to give you five hours of your delicious routine back, it has been rumoured.  Before postponing indefinitely, Kelsey Dacey, 31, was scheduled to meet you for a coffee at 11am on Saturday – at the exact...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Love, Relationships

    I see beyond her autism, says woman staring at girlfriend’s tits 

    A woman who bravely met an autistic woman for a drink realised there was much more to her than her autism when she noticed something else first: an absolutely impeccable rack. When Beth Hapworth, 28, first noticed her date Emma Bernard, 33, across the bar,...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Family, News, Relationships

    Autistic child who “can’t express love” to parents declares undying devotion to cat 

    An autistic child whose parents claim is “incapable of showing affection” regularly hugs and kisses her cat, Trevor, it has been rumoured.  Avery Rice, seven, was diagnosed as autistic after her parents noticed she wasn’t achieving regular milestones – such as looking them in the...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Researchers fear people with autism “may become sentient” 

    People with autism are showing signs that they may soon develop independent thoughts, and worse, start expressing them, researchers have said. The stark warning comes after test subjects began demonstrating likes, dislikes and even what looked like love.  Autism expert, Dr. Karen Hoyland, said: “During...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    It’s all good material, says autistic woman who will never do stand-up 

    An autistic woman with zero desire to enter the comedy circuit convinces herself “it’s all good material” every time her life starts falling to pieces, it has been revealed. Paige Thomas, 31, from Old Trafford, insists on using the helpful phrase when things go wrong...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    “People with autism aren’t funny”, says man who still answers phone “wazzuppppppp?” 

    Autistic people have no sense of humour – according to a man who still answers the phone with a line from a 1999 Budweiser commercial. Graeme Hart, 45, made the pronouncement after seeing a poster for autistic comedian, Joe Wells, at the pub, prompting him...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman relates to protagonist everybody else finds fucking insufferable 

    An autistic woman has been left feeling ashamed after identifying with the narrator of a novel that everybody else hates, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 26, attended a local reading group last Monday evening to discuss Sally Rooney’s Conversations With Friends. She was about...
    Elsa Williams, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News

    Convenient! Shop autism hours to be held annually from 1am to 2am on Mars  

    Autistic people everywhere are celebrating the news that supermarkets will be holding one annual quiet shopping hour just for them – just a short rocket trip from Earth.  The hour, agreed upon by all leading supermarkets, will conveniently be held between one and two in...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    Fraud! Autistic woman forgets to clarify she can’t speak for all autistic people   

    An autistic woman is under fire after unloading to colleagues about her cancelled train without first making it clear that she doesn’t speak for all autistic people, it has been reported.  Recruitment consultant Paige Thomas, 27, is said to have sparked complaints to HR after...
    Sara Gibbs, 12 months ago 1 min read  
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