A non-autistic friend who cancelled plans is really sorry to give you five hours of your delicious routine back, it has been rumoured. 

Before postponing indefinitely, Kelsey Dacey, 31, was scheduled to meet you for a coffee at 11am on Saturday – at the exact time you would usually be enjoying your second poop of the day. 

Dacey said: “Work’s been mad this week. Would you mind if we took a rain check? So sorry to be a pain.” Dacey was unaware that she was being the exact opposite. 

“I feel awful,” Dacey continued obliviously. “I was really looking forward to seeing you.” Dacey then went on to offer a litany of platitudes, but you were too busy thinking about the lovely uninterrupted Saturday you were unexpectedly getting back to listen. 

You said: “Kelsey is such a flake. That’s why I love making plans with her.” 

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