Human rights organisations across the world have expressed outrage and dismay in the wake of a recent announcement that criminals can now be sentenced to participation in an hour-long festive quiz held over Microsoft Teams.
The proposed solution to prison overcrowding was first put forward by Conservative MP Karen Hoyland. “We need tougher measures,” she said in a statement to Parliament. “A Christmas quiz on a Teams video call would act as a powerful deterrent. Especially if we make them wear Santa hats with little bells on the end.”
“We could hold it in a workplace-style environment with aggressive overhead lighting, make sure that Teams crashes a couple of times, and instead of ‘Christmas’ call it ‘Crimbo’. Let’s see if they can name all of Santa’s reindeer after that!”
Notorious serial killer Aidan Michaels, 62, responded: “That’s just sick.”
Michaels is expected to be one of the first prisoners to be subjected to the cruel and unusual new punishment later this week. He added: “If I’d have known, I’d never have murdered all those people. To be honest, I’m shitting myself.”
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky, Threads and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon. We also now have merch! Check out your favourite headlines in comfy wearable form over on Teemill.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy, or listen to episode three in audio form – and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
