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    Friendships, News, Relationships

    I’ll call you later, friend threatens 

    Your friend has threatened to call you on the telephone at an indeterminate point in the future, reports have claimed. “Friend” Kelsey Dacey, 36, reportedly issued the threat to call you “for a bit of a natter”, in what sources are calling “a naked act...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    AuDHD woman enjoying Googling show more than watching it 

    An AuDHD woman is having a much better time looking up facts about the show she’s watching than she would if she was actually watching it, it has been rumoured. Kelsey Dacey, 28, reportedly watched the first five minutes of Severance, but immediately got distracted...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Politics

    Autistic person who doesn’t normally go for conspiracy theories approves of Starmer’s plan to dim sun 

    An autistic person who would usually be the first to debunk conspiracy theories would actually be curious to hear more about Keir Starmer’s plan to dim the sun, sources have claimed.  Neuroscientist Jay Chester, 38, is reportedly quick to point out the logical flaws inherent...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    Photo of solemn Victorian child revealed to be autistic girl at school disco 

    A recently uncovered image previously believed to have been taken in 1863 was actually captured at a British primary-school disco in 2003, experts have announced.   The image, initially thought to be of a sickly Victorian child, actually depicts then-seven-year-old autistic girl Freya Emerson, reportedly...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News, Science

    Dentists weigh in: “You’re autistic because you don’t floss” 

    Dentists have spoken out against the myth that vaccines cause autism, instead claiming that a lack of flossing is to blame. Eli Port, 43, made the connection when they realised that none of their autistic patients were regular flossers – and swiftly published a paper...
    Sarah Amero, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman who’s never tried drinking water really grateful for your input 

    An autistic woman is really grateful for your unsolicited advice and cannot wait to solve all her problems by just drinking some water, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow, 39, has never tried to hydrate her autism away, but you, being the angel that you are,...
    Sarah Amero, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Autism assessment mostly based on vibes, admits therapist 

    Your autism assessor diagnosed you the second you walked into her office, tearfully fidgeting with your neon pink hair, it has been rumoured.  Clinical psychologist Tricia Squire, 45, has admitted that she took one look at your whole deal and was like “well, let’s go...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Romanticist? This autistic woman just applied for disability benefits 

    An autistic woman who applied for a government disability benefit is trying not to think about the fact the very idea is just a stab in the dark, reports have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 33, from Walton, fantasises about having her lifelong struggles affirmed by a...
    Elsa Williams, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    AuDHD woman simultaneously unstoppable force and immovable object 

    An AuDHD woman would make a groundbreaking contribution to the world if she were able to do anything at all, it has been reported. Sabeen Bhatt, 30, has mentally computed the answer to a previously unsolved physics problem, but, after 40 minutes of being stuck...
    Sarah Amero, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic man wants you to know how sorry he is for the “man” part  

    An autistic man wishes to make it very clear to you that he is very, very, sorry that he’s a man, and for men in general, according to a statement released today. The statement, issued by Robert Noot, 46, after his friend Paige Thomas, 39,...
    Andrew Hickey, 2 months ago 2 min read  
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