Autistic woman’s desire for human contact thwarted by existence of humans
An autistic woman longing for human contact has had her hopes repeatedly dashed by the troublesome existence of other humans, it has been revealed. Miya Wilkes, 45, reportedly spends her evenings wishing she could be closer to other people and more involved with their lives,...
Glammed-up autistic woman to revert to usual scruffiness any minute now
An autistic woman who dressed up for a glamorous work event is ready to revert to her usual unkempt appearance any minute now, it has been revealed. PR manager Chi-Young Lee, 34, has had her hair and makeup done professionally to attend an industry awards...
Autistic friends yet to notice they’re having two different conversations
Two hyped-up autistics have spent nearly 20 minutes breathlessly gushing about totally different topics, witnesses have reported. Ethan Stern, 25, and Ben Espenson, 23, have both been excitedly gabbling about their special interests and remain completely unaware that there’s zero overlap. The Daily Tism was...
Baggy clothes next best thing to nudity, say autistics
Some autistic people have succeeded in wearing clothes without having clothes anywhere near them, sources have confirmed. The revolutionary new style reportedly allows autistic people to feel as free as they day they were born, without immediately losing their actual freedom on a public indecency...
Autistic person hard on themselves just in case someone else forgets to be
An autistic person is making sure to be relentlessly self-critical just in case the world ever decides to take the pressure off of them, sources have claimed. Kit McGodden, 25, is reportedly not content to allow the world to be ableist on its own, and...
“All-or-nothing” AuDHDer going for “nothing” again
An AuDHD student who describes themselves as an “all-or-nothing” person has chosen “nothing” again, eyewitnesses have claimed. Des Ackerman, 20, reportedly struggles to start assignments unless they know they can finish the whole thing in a day. However, given how difficult it is to apply...
AuDHDer in denial not giving up on piano this time
An AuDHD man is definitely not going to give up on the piano, no matter what everything else about his life and prior experiences may suggest, optimistic sources have reported. Mac Wheatley, 47, has committed to becoming a virtuoso on the instrument, the playing of...
Autistic woman disappointed to discover “adult colouring book” not sexually explicit
The adult entertainment industry is facing tough questions after concerns were raised about the underwhelming and entirely unsexy content of their colouring books, it has been revealed. Autistic customer Alma Montague, 41, expressed dismay with her recent purchase, which she was led to believe would...
Autistic woman’s customer service complaint riddled with apologies
An autistic woman has reportedly caused confusion after writing a customer service complaint buried in layers upon layers of apology. Niamh Callaghan, 43, says she thought long and hard about emailing a supermarket chain to complain after she found a live frog in a bag...
A freak in the sheets! Autistic woman unveils sexy new Excel masterpiece
An autistic woman has created a spreadsheet she kind of low-key wants to fuck, eyewitnesses have reported. Freya Emerson, 39, who is rumoured to have a kink for conditional formatting, was keen to state that while the content of the spreadsheet was not, in itself,...
