Mum gearing up for another year of getting special interest birthday present wrong
An autistic woman’s mother is planning another birthday present reflecting her daughter’s special interest back at her completely incorrectly, it has been rumoured. Tricia Squire, 65, really is trying, bless her, but hasn’t really understood what it is her daughter likes about witchcraft and has...
Autistic man’s groomsmen beg him to stop referring to them as “the Fellowship of the Ring”
An autistic man’s groomsmen have reportedly begged him to stop calling them ‘the Fellowship of the Ring’ amid concerns they will be forced to LARP against their will. When Robert Noot, 38, first named his wedding WhatsApp chat after the famous adventuring party from The...
Autistic woman really sorry to bother you with her friendship
An autistic woman has spent every single moment of her friendship with you worried that she’s intruding on your precious time here on Earth, it has been revealed. Megan Aldrich, 24, reportedly loves talking to you for the fleeting moment before she starts worrying she’s...
Passé! Autistic woman’s new joint pain just a derivative cover of the old ones
An autistic woman’s new joint pain is just a pale imitation of her past joint pain, according to critics. Mandeep Kaur’s latest hit is an ache in her hips that worsens whenever she attempts to live, breathe or exist. Critics agree that the 47-year-old’s newest...
Autistic woman talented at everything except anything useful
An autistic woman can demonstrate an impressive range of skills and abilities, all of which have one characteristic in common: they are of absolutely no use to her or anybody else, sources have claimed. Ellie Mulligan, 55, was dismayed to discover that, in spite of...
Brave! Random man frothing at mouth to police your hidden disability
A very brave abled man has made it his personal mission to protect public facilities from anyone who doesn’t look disabled enough, sources have claimed. Robert Noot, 64, a self-proclaimed champion of those poor disableds, reportedly enjoys nothing more than “calling out” people with disabled...
Autistic woman happy to be godmother unless it means interacting with child
An autistic woman would love to be godmother to your child as long as she doesn’t have to actually do anything for her, sources have said. Miya Wilkes, 35, makes sure to politely enquire after your daughter whenever the two of you catch up, but...
Country with bullet vending machines makes preventing autism a priority
Headline by Sarah Amero A country that distributes bullets like they’re chocolate bars has decided that eradicating autism is one of its top priorities, it has been reported. The USA, where you can pick up eggs, milk and lethal ammunition in the same supermarket run,...
Boss who scheduled unspecified chat better actually be firing you after all this
Your boss, who emailed you at quarter to five on a Friday asking if you can come to their office for “a quick catch up” on Monday morning, better actually be shitcanning you after wrecking your entire weekend, you have announced. Tricia Squire, 48, reportedly...
Noise of extractor fan caused by devil grinding his toenails
Your kitchen cooker has been fitted with a small demon who is responsible for taking the smoky air out of the room and replacing it with the worst sound imaginable, sources have revealed. While feasting on smoke and cooking smells, the horrid little gremlin pares...
