Convenient! Air fryer allows autistic man myriad new ways to forget to eat
A brand new air fryer, with options to bake, defrost, dehydrate, and more, has allowed an autistic man unparalleled new ways to forget to prepare and eat food, according to sources. Onye Egbuchunam, 43, recently bought the 6-in-1 double-chambered air fryer as a convenient way...
“Reduce your stress levels” revealed to be medical profession’s sick idea of a joke
A whistleblower has reportedly revealed that “reduce your stress levels” is nothing more than a cruel in-joke among doctors. According to the anonymous source, medical professionals enjoy flippantly suggesting to patients that they should just consider being less stressed because they know that literally everyone...
“So nice of you to finally join us” guarantees autistic teen will never be seen again
An autistic boy who was greeted by his family with a sarcastic “so nice of you to finally join us” is reportedly planning to spend the rest of his adolescence barricaded in his room. 15-year-old Naveed Azkhat thought he’d pop downstairs after catching a promising...
Escalator-averse dyspraxic woman would rather take her chances abseiling
A dyspraxic woman has decided to traverse her local shopping centre with thrilling feats of derring-do rather than attempt to board an escalator, according to eyewitnesses. Sabheen Bhatt, 29, reportedly cannot cope with the vertiginous, fast-moving, corrugated stairs of doom that other people seem to...
Revealed! How to turn any post on the Internet into an excuse to trauma dump
It can be tricky when you’ve got some heavy shit to vent but the website or social media page you’re on would be a weird place to air it. If you’re itching to unburden yourself in bizarre and incongruous online spaces but don’t know how...
Role model! Teacher inspires autistic teens to stop going to school
A teacher has been praised for promoting the belief that autistic young people can do anything they put their mind to – even, apparently, staying the fuck away from her. Karen Hoyland, 45, teaches Citizenship at a secondary school, where she prides herself on creating...
Sorry, I don’t work here! Autistic man rearranging stationery aisle just for the thrill of it
An autistic man has clarified that he does not work at his local branch of TG Jones (née WH Smith), and would appreciate it if fellow customers could stop interrupting his flow while he’s enjoying time with the pens, a statement has revealed. Robert Noot, 54, who is...
Things begin to look up for autistic woman after shop assistant calls her “love”
An autistic woman has reportedly realised that everything is going to be okay after an older woman working in a shop called her “love”. Karen Hoyland, 36, was feeling like a swamp gremlin until she walked into a cake shop staffed by 60-year-old Alma Montague,...
Oh no! Autistic woman loses all respect for colleague after learning he uses ChatGPT
An autistic woman has had to mentally downgrade her colleague from “decent enough bloke” to “empty-headed slopliker” after learning that he uses ChatGPT at work like that’s a normal and fine thing to do, sources have revealed. Natasha Weaving, 37, made the chilling discovery on Monday when...
AuDHD woman spends entire show thinking about everything else she could be watching
An AuDHD woman’s enjoyment of the thing she’s currently watching has been greatly increased by persistent FOMO for all the things she’s currently not watching, sources have claimed. Abeer Zaki, 34, reportedly spent an “agonising” 45 minutes attempting to find the perfect viewing material to...
