ADHD meds dispensed by riddle-posing wizard at end of elaborate fiery maze suspended over radioactive shark tank
You can have your ADHD medication, but only after completing a series of increasingly complex and life-threatening challenges, your pharmacist has announced. According to private online pharmacy NoMeds4U, their new system is designed to prevent abuse, while giving you the rare opportunity to obtain your...
No laughing matter! This neurotypical woman would like you to be sadder about your autism please
A neurotypical woman furious that you just joked about your own disability has issued a statement demanding an apology for “making fun of autism”. Karen Hoyland, 52, who overheard you making a crass, insensitive joke about your autism, also clarified that she is speaking on...
“Reduce your stress levels” revealed to be medical profession’s sick idea of a joke
A whistleblower has reportedly revealed that “reduce your stress levels” is nothing more than a cruel in-joke among doctors. According to the anonymous source, medical professionals enjoy flippantly suggesting to patients that they should just consider being less stressed because they know that literally everyone...
Oh no! Autistic woman loses all respect for colleague after learning he uses ChatGPT
An autistic woman has had to mentally downgrade her colleague from “decent enough bloke” to “empty-headed slopliker” after learning that he uses ChatGPT at work like that’s a normal and fine thing to do, sources have revealed. Natasha Weaving, 37, made the chilling discovery on Monday when...
Efficient! AuDHD man’s daily task list includes carefully planned five-minute scream
An AuDHD man attempting to keep on top of the constant demands of his busy life by tracking tasks has expanded his to-do list to include blood-curdling screams at the horror of it all, sources have reported. Paul Shinter, 45, recently made the decision to...
Self-esteem a “slippery slope”, decides autistic woman’s subconscious
Having even the tiniest taste of positive self-regard is a gateway drug to monstrous narcissism, an autistic woman’s subconscious has claimed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 28, is doing all the requisite therapeutic work to build her confidence, but is constantly undermined by a horrid cackling morality-OCD gremlin...
Pick your battles! Autistic person struggling to narrow it down, to be honest
An autistic person who vowed to pick their battles is reportedly frozen with indecision over which of their many important battles to let go of. Des Ackerman, 30, has spent their entire life fighting all the good fights, only to be now be told to...
Autistic mum fine with breastfeeding in public just likes hiding in cupboard
An autistic mum is happy to breastfeed while out and about, but even happier not to be out and about in the first place, sources have revealed. Krista Shure, 32, believes passionately in a parent’s right to breastfeed wherever and whenever is most comfortable, and...
Autistic woman’s health issues playing delicate game of Buckaroo
An autistic woman with a complex set of health conditions is idly wondering which of them will cause a catastrophic, cascading failure like the one in a popular children’s game, sources report. Alma Montague, 37, has a lovely catchup planned with a friend, but does...
Everything that makes autistic woman happy terrible for her gut
Every single thing an autistic woman loves is turning her gut microbiome into a Mad Max-style wasteland, it has been reported. Tricia Squire, 37, allegedly loves spicy food, reclining after dinner like a Roman emperor, and sipping cold coffee for hydration when she’s forgotten to...
