Hot desking really fucking up autistic woman’s ability to memorise her colleagues
An autistic woman who only has the scantest idea of what anyone looks like has been totally screwed over by her workplace’s introduction of hot desking, reports have indicated. Pippa Durham, 30, whose object permanence is so bad she once lost a game of peek-a-boo...
“It’s an accessibility tool” insists autistic man who spends life fixing errors caused by ChatGPT
An autistic man has stated that generative AI is a valuable and worthwhile tool which actually helps accessibility, despite it actually being the bane of his fucking life, reports have confirmed. Paul Shinter, 46, who has incorporated AI into every aspect of his life, from...
Autistic woman’s cute little handbag actually weird little lunchbox
An autistic woman who arrived at a work away day with a “quirky but fashionable handbag” actually attended with a deeply embarrassing lunchbox, according to witnesses. Ellie Mulligan, 34, was assumed by work colleagues to have taken advantage of the relaxed dress code afforded by...
Spooky! Autistic woman dissociates so hard in dentist’s chair that she literally floats away
An autistic woman scared her dentist almost as much as he scares her, after she levitated toward the ceiling during a routine check-up, it has been reported. According to witnesses, the corporeal form of Paige Thomas, 27, did appear to be present in the dentist’s...
Autistic woman’s various mental breakdowns neatly tracked via abandoned craft projects
An autistic woman’s many mental health crises can be charted via boxes of abandoned craft projects, it has been observed. The boxes, which have taken up permanent residence in 41-year-old Krista Shure’s spare room in lieu of friends, reportedly reveal a complex archeology of breakups,...
Autistic woman disappointed to discover “adult colouring book” not sexually explicit
The adult entertainment industry is facing tough questions after concerns were raised about the underwhelming and entirely unsexy content of their colouring books, it has been revealed. Autistic customer Alma Montague, 41, expressed dismay with her recent purchase, which she was led to believe would...
A freak in the sheets! Autistic woman unveils sexy new Excel masterpiece
An autistic woman has created a spreadsheet she kind of low-key wants to fuck, eyewitnesses have reported. Freya Emerson, 39, who is rumoured to have a kink for conditional formatting, was keen to state that while the content of the spreadsheet was not, in itself,...
Multiply neurodivergent woman finally collects enough diagnoses for free dark night of the soul
A multiply neurodivergent woman has finally collected enough stamps on her diagnosis loyalty card for a free existential crisis, according to reports. Ima Onwugbenu, 29, has been diligently collecting diagnoses ever since she was diagnosed with autism. She has since amassed a variety of acronyms...
Dying autistic man bequeaths precious collection of unread messages to his family
An autistic man nearing the end of his time on Earth has gathered his family around him to pass on his precious collection of unread messages, according to eyewitnesses. Ben Espenson, 89, has lived a long, autistic life, and has made his peace with the...
ADHD meds dispensed by riddle-posing wizard at end of elaborate fiery maze suspended over radioactive shark tank
You can have your ADHD medication, but only after completing a series of increasingly complex and life-threatening challenges, your pharmacist has announced. According to private online pharmacy NoMeds4U, their new system is designed to prevent abuse, while giving you the rare opportunity to obtain your...
