New Uta Frith test to determine if you’re doing autism correctly
The existing diagnostic process of detailed interviews, forms, and observations is to be replaced by a few quick questions which will determine whether you are the genuine article or just a big fake autistic, one rent-a-gob psychologist has announced. The new screening tool, entitled Rain...
Autistic “social hangover” like regular hangover but requires even more painkillers and fried food
The common autistic experience of a “people hangover” is similar to an ordinary hangover, but without any alcohol or fun beforehand, a study has confirmed. Autistic researcher Dr. Alix Gardner conducted a series of experiments on themselves by attending social gatherings and rating on a...
Autistic man furious at own lack of immediate perfection
An autistic man who attempted to try something new has become instantly furious at his apparent lack of professional-level skills in the new activity, it has been reported. Lloyd Didcot, 36, decided on a whim to learn coin magic from a book, using the justification...
Autistic Benjamin Button excited to see what comorbidity he’ll lose next
An autistic man who ages in reverse says he cannot wait to see what health issue he’ll get to cast off next. Benjamin Button, who was born at 100 and is currently on his way back to a sprightly 45, looks forward to every passing...
Autistic person dismayed to discover stickers on fruit not a reward for healthy eating
An autistic adult is reported to have learned that stickers on fruit are there to aid identification and pricing, and are not, in fact, a little present from the distributor in recognition of just how arduous eating fruit can be. Jay Chester, 26, has so...
Autistic woman replaces community mental health team with emo band
An autistic woman has replaced her local community mental health team with the edgy middle-aged men who have been propping up her emotional wellbeing since she was a teenager, it has been claimed. Krista Shure, 35, has given up on ringing her local non-emergency mental...
Autistic woman will never be sad again after reading novel about lesbian nuns in space
An autistic woman has been winning at mental health ever since she read a science fiction novella about an order of Roman Catholic nuns being very gay on a spaceship, reports have confirmed. Miya Wilkes, 30, read Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather...
“Teens today only want to talk to their AI anime girlfriends” worries autistic woman with small shrine to anime man
A middle-aged autistic woman who expressed concern at the younger generation getting into addictive, expensive parasocial relationships with LLM generated anime chatbots is a hypocrite, sources have revealed. Beth Hapworth, 46, frequently voices her worries while sitting in front of a shelving unit covered in...
Autistic woman asked to rate pain from 1 to 10 has several clarifying questions
An autistic woman who was asked to rate her pain on a scale from 1 to 10 has so many follow-up questions that her doctor’s appointment risks becoming an interrogation, according to reports. Paige Thomas, 24, attends regular appointments for her chronic pain, although she...
Autistic woman faces intense, silent stare down with reflection during haircut
An autistic woman is preparing herself for upwards of an hour and a half of awkward, unbroken eye contact with her own reflection in order to avoid the even more awkward hour and a half of small talk with her hairdresser, sources have revealed. Due...