Autistic mum fine with breastfeeding in public just likes hiding in cupboard
An autistic mum is happy to breastfeed while out and about, but even happier not to be out and about in the first place, sources have revealed. Krista Shure, 32, believes passionately in a parent’s right to breastfeed wherever and whenever is most comfortable, and...
Autistic woman’s health issues playing delicate game of Buckaroo
An autistic woman with a complex set of health conditions is idly wondering which of them will cause a catastrophic, cascading failure like the one in a popular children’s game, sources report. Alma Montague, 37, has a lovely catchup planned with a friend, but does...
Everything that makes autistic woman happy terrible for her gut
Every single thing an autistic woman loves is turning her gut microbiome into a Mad Max-style wasteland, it has been reported. Tricia Squire, 37, allegedly loves spicy food, reclining after dinner like a Roman emperor, and sipping cold coffee for hydration when she’s forgotten to...
Streeting orders NHS to bolster workforce with the restless souls of the dead
Headline by Sarah Amero Health secretary Wes Streeting has announced plans to bully the NHS into giving him data on the nation’s deceased in order to get them out of their eternal resting places and back into the workforce. The measures, which are reportedly as...
Autistic woman experiencing pain-free five minutes growing suspicious
An autistic woman who has gone five minutes without any aches or pains is reportedly beginning to worry that something is deeply and mortally wrong. Siobhan Moorton, 23, almost always has some part of her body hurting thanks to a horrifying smorgasbord of comorbidities. However,...
AuDHD man at spa retreat worries about relaxing wrong
An AuDHD man taken on a “relaxing” spa day by his partner as a birthday treat has never been less relaxed in his life, sources have revealed. Robert Noot, 40, was gifted the Ultra Relaxation Spa Day gift package for his 40th birthday by partner...
Autism assessments outsourced to Sir Mix-a-Lot
Following recent headlines suggesting that a prominent backside may be a sign of neurodivergence, the world’s leading expert on prominent backsides has agreed to become an autism assessor, according to reports. Sir Mix-a-Lot, 62, one of the only celebrities not to have a Controversies section...
Mind the gap! Man gives back autism diagnosis after love of trains is tested by a trip on the Circle Line
A man is seeking to return his autism diagnosis, having changed his mind about his enthusiasm for trains after actually riding on one, it has been revealed. Dexter Livingstone, 25, rode the London Underground from Liverpool Street to Hammersmith during rush hour in July. His...
Advertorial: Autistic woman misdiagnosed with every mental illness under the sun finally correctly diagnosed as hilarious
A late-diagnosed autistic woman who spent an eventful few decades in mental-health services has been identified at last as a comedy writer, readers of her debut book, All My Worldly Joy, have discovered. The Daily Tism writer, Laura Richmond, 38, had never considered the possibility...
Autistic woman shocked to discover that house of horrors is actually a wellness spa
An autistic horror fan is reported to be astonished by the news that the immersive theatre horror experience she had signed up for was, supposedly, a “nourishing wellness retreat.” The mix-up began when Niamh Callaghan, 32, was invited by her sister-in-law, Kelsey Dacey, 34, to...
