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    Health, News

    AuDHD man’s gut issues the only thing standing between him and drinking hot sauce 

    An AuDHD man’s gut issues are the only reason he isn’t necking shots of hot sauce whenever he needs a little thrill, according to sources. Robert Noot, 24, is so understimulated by the act of eating a regular homecooked meal that he needs to douse...
    Sarah Amero, 4 days ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Passé! Autistic woman’s new joint pain just a derivative cover of the old ones 

    An autistic woman’s new joint pain is just a pale imitation of her past joint pain, according to critics. Mandeep Kaur’s latest hit is an ache in her hips that worsens whenever she attempts to live, breathe or exist. Critics agree that the 47-year-old’s newest...
    Sarah Amero, 2 weeks ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Autistic woman talented at everything except anything useful 

    An autistic woman can demonstrate an impressive range of skills and abilities, all of which have one characteristic in common: they are of absolutely no use to her or anybody else, sources have claimed. Ellie Mulligan, 55, was dismayed to discover that, in spite of...
    Laura Richmond, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Brave! Random man frothing at mouth to police your hidden disability  

    A very brave abled man has made it his personal mission to protect public facilities from anyone who doesn’t look disabled enough, sources have claimed.  Robert Noot, 64, a self-proclaimed champion of those poor disableds, reportedly enjoys nothing more than “calling out” people with disabled...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    Health, News, Politics

    Country with bullet vending machines makes preventing autism a priority 

    Headline by Sarah Amero A country that distributes bullets like they’re chocolate bars has decided that eradicating autism is one of its top priorities, it has been reported.  The USA, where you can pick up eggs, milk and lethal ammunition in the same supermarket run,...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 weeks ago 1 min read  
    Health

    Noise of extractor fan caused by devil grinding his toenails 

    Your kitchen cooker has been fitted with a small demon who is responsible for taking the smoky air out of the room and replacing it with the worst sound imaginable, sources have revealed.  While feasting on smoke and cooking smells, the horrid little gremlin pares...
    Laura Richmond, 2 weeks ago 1 min read  
    Health

    Autistic woman’s one healthy food choice to justify many, many unhealthy ones 

    An autistic woman has announced plans to use her one healthy snack choice to “offset” her evening of eating junk food. Merve Öztürk, 25, who just begrudgingly ate one carrot, is now allowed to eat whatever the fuck she wants, because that’s definitely how nutrition...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 weeks ago 1 min read  
    Health, News

    Experts reveal the causes of Daily Mail readership and how to avoid them 

    In an announcement that has stunned the nation’s right-wing dickheads, experts have vowed to identify the causes of reading The Daily Mail by the end of the month. The collection of words and pictures, which technically qualifies as a “newspaper” despite containing more shrieking than...
    Sara Gibbs, 1 month ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Dentist forced to remind sobbing autistic woman that having a cavity is not a moral failing 

    An autistic woman was today rendered inconsolable at a routine dental checkup by the assessment and diagnosis of a small cavity that may require a filling.  Dental hygienist Karen Hoyland, 34, delivered the devastating news with her standard chipper nonchalance but was shocked and disturbed...
    Grace Jarvis, 1 month ago 2 min read  
    Health, News, Relationships

    Original Odd Couple? Autism and ADHD forced to cohabit in same person 

    An AuDHD man has become the battleground for an escalating series of tense arguments after his autism and ADHD started sharing the same space, it has been reported. Lloyd’s Autism, 37, and Lloyd’s ADHD, 37, both of Lloyd Didcot, 37, had been acquaintances for many...
    Andrew Hickey, 1 month ago 2 min read  
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