Autistic woman beginning to think of favourite clothing brand as friend
An autistic woman has somehow managed to form a parasocial relationship with her favourite clothes shop, it has been noted. Ellie Mulligan, 39, who spends every penny of her meagre disposable income at online boutique Little Lies, has reportedly anthropomorphised the shop to the point...
I thought I was neurotypical. It turns out I just really like shopping at Uniqlo.
Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Sarah, and this whole time I thought I was neurotypical, it turns out I just really like that nice linen-blend neutral shit they do at Uniqlo. Every time I used to walk through the doors of the...
Autistic woman’s cute little handbag actually weird little lunchbox
An autistic woman who arrived at a work away day with a “quirky but fashionable handbag” actually attended with a deeply embarrassing lunchbox, according to witnesses. Ellie Mulligan, 34, was assumed by work colleagues to have taken advantage of the relaxed dress code afforded by...
Glammed-up autistic woman to revert to usual scruffiness any minute now
An autistic woman who dressed up for a glamorous work event is ready to revert to her usual unkempt appearance any minute now, it has been revealed. PR manager Chi-Young Lee, 34, has had her hair and makeup done professionally to attend an industry awards...
Baggy clothes next best thing to nudity, say autistics
Some autistic people have succeeded in wearing clothes without having clothes anywhere near them, sources have confirmed. The revolutionary new style reportedly allows autistic people to feel as free as they day they were born, without immediately losing their actual freedom on a public indecency...
Chic! Autistic woman’s autumn/winter runny nose seamlessly replaced by spring/summer runny nose
An autistic woman has been labelled a “trendsetter” after demonstrating how to seamlessly switch from a cold-weather runny nose to a hot-weather runny nose, it has been reported. Mary Walker, 43, believes that perpetually-drippy noses are a timeless classic, best paired with a nasty crumpled-up...
Treat yourself! Autistic woman buys yet more tat from dead people’s houses
An autistic woman is living her best life by filling her home with items that other people have thrown away, sources have claimed. Charity shop menace Beth Hapworth, 35, appears to be enjoying an inexhaustible supply of dopamine, having turned her kitchen into an homage...
Autistic woman who got dressed in dark would be wearing that outfit regardless
An autistic woman asked by a colleague if she got dressed in the dark absolutely did – but that’s not why she’s wearing that, eyewitnesses have reported. Beth Hapworth, 44, reportedly arrived at her job as an events coordinator for a small conference centre dressed...
It has pockets! Autistic woman’s clothes contain no keys or phone but plenty of tiny knitted rabbits
An autistic woman has chosen to fill the pockets of her new skirt with whimsical little oddities while continuing to lose all the items that she actually needs, sources have claimed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was reportedly delighted to discover that her latest Vinted purchase had...
Dress code can’t confuse you if you just stay home, study finds
Confusing dress codes only cease to be confusing once you give up and decide not to go, according to recent research. Dr. Krista Shure aimed to find a way for autistic people to interpret any event dress code without royally cocking it up, but her...
