Glammed-up autistic woman to revert to usual scruffiness any minute now
An autistic woman who dressed up for a glamorous work event is ready to revert to her usual unkempt appearance any minute now, it has been revealed. PR manager Chi-Young Lee, 34, has had her hair and makeup done professionally to attend an industry awards...
Baggy clothes next best thing to nudity, say autistics
Some autistic people have succeeded in wearing clothes without having clothes anywhere near them, sources have confirmed. The revolutionary new style reportedly allows autistic people to feel as free as they day they were born, without immediately losing their actual freedom on a public indecency...
Chic! Autistic woman’s autumn/winter runny nose seamlessly replaced by spring/summer runny nose
An autistic woman has been labelled a “trendsetter” after demonstrating how to seamlessly switch from a cold-weather runny nose to a hot-weather runny nose, it has been reported. Mary Walker, 43, believes that perpetually-drippy noses are a timeless classic, best paired with a nasty crumpled-up...
Treat yourself! Autistic woman buys yet more tat from dead people’s houses
An autistic woman is living her best life by filling her home with items that other people have thrown away, sources have claimed. Charity shop menace Beth Hapworth, 35, appears to be enjoying an inexhaustible supply of dopamine, having turned her kitchen into an homage...
Autistic woman who got dressed in dark would be wearing that outfit regardless
An autistic woman asked by a colleague if she got dressed in the dark absolutely did – but that’s not why she’s wearing that, eyewitnesses have reported. Beth Hapworth, 44, reportedly arrived at her job as an events coordinator for a small conference centre dressed...
It has pockets! Autistic woman’s clothes contain no keys or phone but plenty of tiny knitted rabbits
An autistic woman has chosen to fill the pockets of her new skirt with whimsical little oddities while continuing to lose all the items that she actually needs, sources have claimed. Megan Aldrich, 33, was reportedly delighted to discover that her latest Vinted purchase had...
Dress code can’t confuse you if you just stay home, study finds
Confusing dress codes only cease to be confusing once you give up and decide not to go, according to recent research. Dr. Krista Shure aimed to find a way for autistic people to interpret any event dress code without royally cocking it up, but her...
Autistic man insists collection of holes held together by threads is “just a little worn”
Headline by John Butler A set of tattered rags loosely held together by fraying threads that no longer remotely resemble a hoodie still has “plenty of wear left”, an autistic man has claimed. Dexter Livingstone, 48, reportedly refuses to give up on the beloved garment,...
Autistic woman’s enamel pin badges unionise
An autistic woman’s ever-growing collection of enamel pin badges has reportedly formed a union to protest against poor working conditions and overcrowding. Abeer Zaki, 24, claims she is “obsessed” with buying quirky badges whenever she attends a convention or shops online, reportedly stemming from her...
All shoes and socks entirely bad and bare feet also not great, study confirms
Researchers have confirmed long-held suspicions that there are no good footwear options and that having feet in general is just not ideal, a new study has revealed. The study surveyed all known garments and items that can be used to cover one’s feet, concluding that...
