Dress code can’t confuse you if you just stay home, study finds
Confusing dress codes only cease to be confusing once you give up and decide not to go, according to recent research. Dr. Krista Shure aimed to find a way for autistic people to interpret any event dress code without royally cocking it up, but her...
Autistic man insists collection of holes held together by threads is “just a little worn”
Headline by John Butler A set of tattered rags loosely held together by fraying threads that no longer remotely resemble a hoodie still has “plenty of wear left”, an autistic man has claimed. Dexter Livingstone, 48, reportedly refuses to give up on the beloved garment,...
Autistic woman’s enamel pin badges unionise
An autistic woman’s ever-growing collection of enamel pin badges has reportedly formed a union to protest against poor working conditions and overcrowding. Abeer Zaki, 24, claims she is “obsessed” with buying quirky badges whenever she attends a convention or shops online, reportedly stemming from her...
All shoes and socks entirely bad and bare feet also not great, study confirms
Researchers have confirmed long-held suspicions that there are no good footwear options and that having feet in general is just not ideal, a new study has revealed. The study surveyed all known garments and items that can be used to cover one’s feet, concluding that...
Casually dressed autistic woman not sure why everyone’s complimenting her on her Halloween costume
An autistic woman wearing her usual everyday clothes cannot understand why everyone thinks she’s wearing a Halloween costume, according to sources. Emma Bernard, 35, left the house in what she thought was normal seasonal attire, but everyone she has encountered so far has praised her...
Autistic man only comfortable dressed in ritually hollowed-out bear
An autistic man stuffed into a bear’s body as a human sacrifice is reportedly relieved at finally having found something comfortable to wear. Christian Wheatley, 25, has already been subjected to several eye-opening experiences at the rural Swedish midsummer festival he is attending with his...
Autistic woman owns three wearable outfits and 50 pipe-dreams
An autistic woman’s wardrobe consists of three things she can wear and about 50 she can’t, sources have said. Sabheen Bhatt, 25, describes herself as a “shoptimist” with a penchant for itchy jumpers, trousers that are impossible to eat in, and dresses that could only...
Huh. Woman does look kinda autistic actually
A woman actually does look pretty autistic, to be honest, according to eyewitnesses. Natasha Weaving, 27, who has been told by ignorant bystanders that she “doesn’t look autistic”, genuinely could not look more autistic if she tried. Fellow autistic woman, Niamh Callaghan, 35, commented: “How...
Autistic woman without defined aesthetic “basically worthless” says Internet
An autistic woman who is neither conventionally hot nor fashionable has been deemed worthless by social media, sources have said. Ffiona Maw, 25, enjoys posting unedited photos of her day-to-day life online, but has recently been informed by her followers that autistic women are not...
Tragic! New Year’s Eve dress that makes you look the hottest hurts the most
An autistic woman has been left “distraught” after discovering that a New Year’s outfit that makes her look as “fit as fuck” absolutely kills, according to sources. Paige Thomas, 26, from Fazakerley, had optimistically ordered the sequinned wrap mini-dress in the Boxing Day sales –...
