An autistic woman enjoying the early days of autumn is blissfully unaware that her seasonal depression is waiting to pounce, eyewitnesses have claimed.

Sarah Harrow, 40, has spent the past few weeks enjoying the crunch of fallen leaves under her boots, drinking hot chocolate and cosying up in knitwear. She has not yet noticed the creeping sluggishness signifying the return of her pumpkin-spice depression demon, who has been waiting patiently to claim his due and make everything sort of awful.

Harrow said: “I can’t wait to spend the long, chilly nights curled up on the sofa with my pets, watching scary movies and toasting marshmallows. I’ve got to think about what I’m going to carve into my pumpkin this year, too! Ooh, and maybe I’ll dress up for Halloween and hand out sweets to all those adorable kids who come a-knocking!”

Harrow’s seasonal depression said: “Look at this fool. Wrapped in a giant scarf like she’s Lenny sodding Kravitz. But I’m already here. Suddenly, she’s going to feel like someone’s taken a sledgehammer to her productivity, her energy, and her will to live. And then we’ll see whether she has the motivation to bake a damn pie.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts, Sarah. Because the next time you’re going to feel good is sometime around mid-March, just before my friend Heat Intolerance clocks in for his yearly shift.”

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