An autistic man who put on a ribbed turtleneck this morning is straight up not having a good time, according to him.

31-year-old Cameron Brereton’s latest purchase, a corrugated, stretchy top with a sophisticated high neck, was intended to protect him from the shame of dressing like Nelson Muntz in his thirties, but has so far only served as prophylaxis against his comfort and happiness.

Brereton said: “Being able to feel it constantly has ruined the whole experience, but if I admit to that it’s going to make me sound really fucking immature.”

“I’m in public now, so it’s too late to take it off. I mean, I could, but I’m morally opposed to springing that shock on anyone. Plus I’d have to carry it around and that’s gross.”

“Not gonna lie, though, looking like a cartoon burglar means I’m deffo not getting anyone pregnant.”

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