Disabled friend doesn’t particularly want your Not-Covid either
Your disabled friend isn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of getting whatever horrible lurgy you’ve reassured them isn’t Covid, it has been revealed. In a statement released today, your disabled friend clarified that yes, they’re keen to avoid Covid at all costs, but you still...
Scientists discover first nephew without autism
The world’s first nephew who doesn’t have autism has been discovered by scientists, it has been reported. Seven-year-old Finley Rice has not exhibited a single symptom of ASD – despite having two aunts and an uncle. Autism researcher Dr. Graeme Hart, who made the discovery, said:...
Autistic person up to date with zeitgeist discovers they’ve bloody changed it again
An autistic person who has finally learned the names of all the current A listers, heard all the recent pop hits and binge watched the most popular TV shows has been left devastated after their research was made redundant by the passage of time. Avery...
Yet another free trial to feel like great idea at time
Yet another free trial subscription has announced plans to briefly feel like a stroke of genius. Neurodivergent Tax Magazine said in a statement released today: “Go on! You can cancel any time. You won’t, but you can.” The statement continued: “It’s the perfect solution. You...
Autistic man amasses world’s largest collection of grudges
An autistic man has invited reporters to view his record-breaking grudge collection. Gavin Monks, 43, has had a special focus on grudges his entire life and now has whole rooms in his home dedicated to them. Monks said: “This is my room for everyday grudges....
Autistic woman “supporting close friend through hard time” actually thinking of TV character
An autistic woman whose emotional resources have been depleted by “holding space for a loved one” is actually referring to Toadie from the Australian soap opera, Neighbours. Freya Emerson, 33, has become increasingly concerned for Jarrod “Toadfish” Rebecchi since he recently started exhibiting erratic behaviour...
Woman without autism will never lead abnormal life
A woman who suffers from not having autism will tragically lead an entirely ordinary life, sources have confirmed. Becky Armitage, 35, whose hair is an ordinary blonde colour without a single streak of rainbow in there, has been written off by doctors as “profoundly basic”....
Autistic man stranded on desert island asks rescue team for a couple more weeks
An autistic man who became stranded on a desert island after a shipwreck has asked the search and rescue team who found him if they wouldn’t mind fucking off again, reports have confirmed. Concerns have been growing for Eddie Albington, 45, ever since he was...
Woman disappointed they don’t grade autism assessments
An autistic woman has reportedly been left devastated upon discovering that her autism assessment was simply pass or fail. Despite Paige Thomas, 27, diligently preparing for her appointment by revising every detail of her life to date, providing copious written course work and extra assignments...
Man instantly regrets telling autistic woman to smile more
A neurotypical man is being treated for shock after an autistic woman who he told to “smile more” actually did, emergency services have confirmed. Gavin Monks, 52, told stranger Emma Bernard, 30, that she would be a lot prettier if she turned that frown upside...
