Autistic relationship begins with more complex negotiations than Brexit deal
A new romantic relationship between two autistic people has begun with a round-table summit involving a team of highly paid lawyers and an elaborate set of oddly specific terms, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 38, and Dexter Livingstone, 45, who are both autistic, decided...
Autistic woman calls in sick to friendship
An autistic woman currently unwell with a summer cold has spent the day apologising to friends for being a bit quieter than usual, it has been rumoured. Pippa Durham, 26, considers her closest friendship to be a full-time job, and dutifully let Alma Montague, 28,...
Becky’s passive-aggressive Instagram story triggers global RSD crisis
A woman’s cryptically narky Instagram story has set off every neurodivergent person in the world’s rejection sensitive dysphoria, the government has confirmed. Becky Armitage, 42, posted the following mysterious rant to the social media platform: “Some people are seriously self-absorbed. Get over yourselves #Toxic.” University...
Adult man still lives with his autism
A man who grew up living with autism still hasn’t moved out, it has been reported. Dexter Livingstone, 22, left his parents’ home at the age of 18, but to their dismay took his autism with him. Livingstone’s mother, Karen Livingstone, 54, said: “We were...
“Everything we don’t like is on the spectrum” decide neurotypicals
Neurotypicals have helpfully decided that everything they dislike must be “on the spectrum,” it has been announced. Neurotypicals said: “That guy being a bit of a tosser? Probably on the spectrum.” “Nazis? Definitely on the spectrum,” they continued. “That mass murderer?” They added. “Seems pretty...
Neurotypicals unaware they can just stay home
Neurotypical people have no idea that they can simply not go outside, it has been reported. Since the start of summer, reports of allistic people leaving their lovely homes with all their things in have shot up by 11,000%. Sociologist, Dr. Olivia Buckingham, explained the...
Disabled friend doesn’t particularly want your Not-Covid either
Your disabled friend isn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of getting whatever horrible lurgy you’ve reassured them isn’t Covid, it has been revealed. In a statement released today, your disabled friend clarified that yes, they’re keen to avoid Covid at all costs, but you still...
Scientists discover first nephew without autism
The world’s first nephew who doesn’t have autism has been discovered by scientists, it has been reported. Seven-year-old Finley Rice has not exhibited a single symptom of ASD – despite having two aunts and an uncle. Autism researcher Dr. Graeme Hart, who made the discovery, said:...
Autistic person up to date with zeitgeist discovers they’ve bloody changed it again
An autistic person who has finally learned the names of all the current A-listers, heard all the recent pop hits and binge watched the most popular TV shows has been left devastated after their research was made redundant by the passage of time. Kit McGodden,...
Yet another free trial to feel like great idea at time
Yet another free trial subscription has announced plans to briefly feel like a stroke of genius. Neurodivergent Tax Magazine said in a statement released today: “Go on! You can cancel any time. You won’t, but you can.” The statement continued: “It’s the perfect solution. You...