Autistic man buries Lego for winter
An autistic man has begun the annual process of burying his Lego to protect it during the winter months when Lego sources are scarce, it has been reported. Dexter Livingstone, 31, also has ADHD, but uses spatial memory and landmarks such as trees to remember...
Society to consider taking insanely accomplished autistic woman seriously
Society has promised to have a “proper think” about taking an autistic woman with a ludicrous number of achievements seriously, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 34, who is a bestselling author, BAFTA-winning screenwriter and Nobel Prize winner, was reportedly delighted to discover that her...
Inspiring! Aspie Supremacists prove autistics can still eugenics with the best of them
A group of autistic people calling themselves Aspie Supremacists have been praised as “inspirational” for proving that eugenics can be for everyone, it has been reported. Aspie Supremacists, who believe their brand of autism makes them superior to both neurotypicals and other autistics, have attracted...
Friend who politely asked about special interest unaware they’ve committed rest of life to hearing about it
A non-autistic friend who asked a polite question about an autistic woman’s special interest has no idea that they will be hearing about it until they’re dead, it has been rumoured. Pippa Durham, 29, made the fatal error when Paige Thomas, 36, mentioned her love...
Autistics to make rare exception for giant group hug
Autistic people who generally dislike hugging strangers have announced that they will make an exception today for a massive group hug because we all bloody need it. The Hug, which is open to anyone who isn’t a fascist-supporting cunt, won’t fix the bin fire that...
Child without autism label still autistic as fuck
A child whose parents refused to “give them the autism label” is still, inexplicably, autistic as fuck, it has been rumoured. Despite her parents declining to label her, Megan Aldrich, seven, still refuses to eat foods that are touching, smile for the camera or believe...
Autistic child trick-or-treating with blue bucket grateful to be singled out for once
An autistic boy who was given a blue bucket to trick-or-treat with to ensure everybody knows he’s different is just grateful to be singled out for once, his parents have said. Finley Rice, 10, had merely planned to put on a spooky costume and go...
Scary? Autistic man’s favourite porno is A Quiet Place
An autistic man has issued a statement calling on the public not to kink shame him over his unusual choice of masturbatory material. Onanist, Cameron Brereton, 28, explained that he has eschewed mainstream pornography in favour of the 2018 horror movie, A Quiet Place. Brereton’s...
Robbed! Autistic man’s niche Halloween costume inexplicably fails to win contest
An autistic man has demanded a recount after his hyper-specific Halloween costume failed to impress judges at a costume contest. Lloyd Didcot, 45, was reportedly “shocked and outraged” when not a single judge correctly identified that he was dressed as Paul Tanner, second trombonist in...
Boo! Ghost triggers autistic stand-up’s RSD by heckling him
An autistic stand-up comedian has had his rejection-sensitive dysphoria triggered after a ghost booed him, it has been reported. Performer Lucas Fletcher, 32, was initially excited when he heard the pub he was performing in was haunted, but was left “devastated” when an apparition of...