Wow! Autistic woman hears existential howl of meaningless universe
An autistic woman’s senses are so finely attuned that she can not only hear the buzzing of electricity in the walls, but also the perpetual background-level shriek of despair emitted by the never-ending soul-sucking void that is our universe, it has been confirmed. Paula Mulberry,...
Autistic woman whose friend forgot they were meeting up has been waiting at Clapham Junction for three months
An autistic woman whose friend never showed up to their pre-arranged hangout three months ago is still waiting outside the Accessorize at Clapham Junction station ‘just in case’, it has been revealed. Sarah Harrow, 25, was due to meet Paige Thomas, 24, at 11.45am on...
Heartbreak! Autistic woman unsure how to tell special interest she’s fallen out of love with it
An autistic woman is just going through the motions with her special interest because she doesn’t have the heart to tell it the spark is gone, sources have confirmed. Freya Emerson, 30, and her long-term hyperfixation, dinosaurs, 225 million, have reportedly been growing apart lately,...
I won’t let my son’s autism define him, says self-defined Autism Mum
A woman who has based her entire personality on having an autistic son has vowed not to let her son’s autism define him, it has been revealed. Karen Hoyland, 42, who tweets under the name “AutismMummy42”, said: “I’m doing everything I can to make sure...
Autistic woman in hiding after friend calls for chat without providing agenda for conversation
An autistic woman has been reported missing after a friend phoned her “for no particular reason”, it has been reported. Avery Mann, 32, received the phone call from friend Freya Emerson, 29, at 4.53pm last Saturday for a “catch up” with no clear purpose that...
Psychic! Neurotypical workplace trainer explains what it’s like to have autism
A non-autistic workplace trainer has really made colleagues think after delivering a presentation explaining exactly what it’s like to “have autism,” sources have revealed. Graeme Hart, 42, was hired by an unnamed Fortune 500 company as part of their Neurodiversity Celebration Week – a brief...
NHS to outsource autism diagnosis waiting list to school bullies
The NHS is due to tackle autism assessment waiting lists by outsourcing some of the backlog to Becky and Olivia from Year Seven, it has been announced. Consultant psychiatrist, Karen Hoyland, 47, said: “Our team of qualified specialists needs several sessions with patients, as well...
Amazing! Autistic woman’s life story somehow longer than actual life
An autistic woman who started telling her life story 45 minutes ago has only just got to the moment of her conception, sources have said. Pippa Durham, 28, was attending a comedy night when the comedian on stage asked if she’d travelled far to be...