An autistic woman attempting to communicate with spirits via an Ouija board is becoming increasingly perturbed by their insistence on spelling out medical acronyms, sources have said.
Becky Armitage, 29, whipped out her spirit board one Saturday night while all her living friends were out engaging in clubbing and other such demonic rituals, but quickly began to regret it when her new incorporeal mates started giving her heavy-handed hints that most people don’t experience the urgent need to lie down all the time.
Armitage said: “I don’t know what they’re on about. Sometimes I eat too much and feel like I’m going to pass out, or I get a cold and I feel like my body is allergic to itself, or my joints hurt for no reason. I’m just a classic 19th century heroine prone to a daily attack of the vapours.”
“And what do these spirits know anyway? I’m not taking medical advice from dead people. I take advice from my GP, who has a very broad notion of how anxiety manifests in the female body.”
The board spelled out: “G O D D A M N I T B E C K Y”.
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