In the world of “places it is good to lie down”, Floor is indeed better than Bed, new research has confirmed.
Dr Mary Walker, 45, Clinical Trial Lead at The Institute for Floor Time Studies, broke the news at a press conference this morning, speaking to reporters from a supine position.
“Until recently it was only in the realm of conjecture, but we now have confirmation,” the recumbent researcher reported. “While common sense would seem to suggest that Bed, the purpose-built soft friend designed for lying down and occasionally nookie, would be the number one place to have a bit of a rest, extensive testing has in fact shown that Floor is a clear winner every time.”
“Not only does it minimise the risk of falling out of bed, even though you’ve slept in a bed every night of your life to date, but it gives the illusion of being at the sleepovers you were never invited to.”
Dr. Walker then went on to describe the nature of the research, and the way variables were controlled, such as the cleanliness of the floor, the risk of dropping your phone on your face, and the proximity of a pile of clothes to rest your head on.
After taking questions from journalists, Dr Walker announced the TIFFTS’s next avenue of research: getting to the bottom of exactly why sitting down in the shower feels like the height of forbidden luxury.
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