An autistic man aboard a flight has admitted that the squalling infant a few rows behind him is having a totally valid menty b, according to reports.

Onye Egbuchunam, 50, was trying to sleep on the flight from Dublin to New York when baby Des Ackerman, nine months, started screaming bloody murder. Although the noise has caused him extreme distress and anxiety, Egbuchunam called Ackerman “the most rational person on this plane”.

Egbuchunam said: “My ears are popping, there’s been turbulence for the past hour, and the guy beside me has decided to treat our row like his own living room, complete with shoes and socks off. I am in real physical pain hearing that baby cry, but I’m also glad someone else acknowledges that this feels like we all did something to piss off the airline and they’re going to spend the next seven hours taking it out on us via biopsychological warfare.”

“I blame the parents. Not for failing to silence their child, but for subjecting them to the horrors of air travel when they’re unable to say ‘Y’know what, Mum and Dad? Maybe I’ll just stay home. Maybe I’m not old enough to possess the wanderlust that would justify getting on a plane.’”

Egbuchunam later arrived at his hotel room, where he gave a repeat performance of Ackerman’s impassioned outburst.

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