A dyspraxic woman has decided to traverse her local shopping centre with thrilling feats of derring-do rather than attempt to board an escalator, according to eyewitnesses.
Sabheen Bhatt, 29, reportedly cannot cope with the vertiginous, fast-moving, corrugated stairs of doom that other people seem to step onto with ease, and can only get on in a sweaty fit of anxiety by white-knuckle gripping the handrails and letting several stairs go by as people queue and tut behind her. Today, she has decided to save herself the stress by climbing, diving and abseiling her way between floors.
Bhatt said: “No more trying to figure out which step I have time to get onto, or feeling increasingly ill as they blur into a dizzying mess. Now I can employ a diverse array of accessibility aids like grappling hooks, bungee cords and hang gliders to pop to the ground floor from the food court.”
“I could take the lift, but it’s poky and stuffy and full of parents with buggies. I’d rather avoid the dirty looks for seemingly being capable of having taken the escalator while their babies hotbox the lift.”
Bhatt was last seen circumventing the centre’s revolving doors by roundhouse-kicking a Sabheen-sized hole in the glass.
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