Non-autistic people already missing spooky season have reportedly decided to extend it by filling the sky with terrifying, unpredictable jump scares and calling them “fireworks”.
Neurotypical spokesperson, Karen Hoyland, 54, explained: “Spooky season is traditionally understood to be an autistic custom, but that’s actually a harmful stereotype. Neurotypicals love that shit. Have you never visited a pumpkin patch? They’re crawling with us.”
“And trick-or-treating? The most neurotypical activity imaginable. Anyway – it’s not considered socially acceptable to shout ‘BOO’ after October 31st, so we say it with explosives.“
Fellow neurotypical advocate, Graeme Hart, 49, agreed: “In the same way we love to pointlessly extend Christmas beyond all reason and sanity, and some of us are out there demanding others celebrate our ‘birthday month’, you’ll have to prise ‘spooky season’ out of our pumpkin-spiced mittens.”
“If you stayed indoors with your lights off this Halloween, this is your punishment,” continued Hart. “Join in or we’ll scare the bejeezus out of you by randomly making the sky go boom.”
“In the long term, we’re hoping to create fireworks with preceding ominous music,” Hart added. “Just as soon as we can find a scientist to work who’s not autistic.”
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