An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.
Mac Wheatley, 27, was recently invited to their very first social gathering since deciding to quit drinking. While initially nervous about socialising, they have been pleasantly surprised by the inebriated guests’ reaction to them. According to Wheatley, party guests have been unexpectedly delighted to listen to the inner workings of picking historical locks.
Wheatley said: “I’m used to being relegated to the ‘autistic wallflowers’ section at social gatherings, which is usually just over by the board games. But having a clear head has allowed me to connect with all the worst parts of being drunk while remaining stone cold sober.”
As the evening went on, and attendees began to reach their third to 13th drinks, Wheatley claims to have had many stimulating conversations. The content of these conversations remains unknown to them, however, as a combination of slurred speech and auditory processing disorder made them completely incomprehensible.
Fellow party-goer Finley Rice, 21, claims Wheatley won seven games of King’s Cup in a row. “Yeah, they remembered every rule. It was wild. They said they’d never even played before. We thought they were hustling us, but it turns out they’re just really into card games.”
After engaging with many of the guests thanks to their newfound confidence – and promising to make plans they would fortunately not have to follow up on – Wheatley was reported to have done a keg stand “for the sensory inversion”, before leaving the party at 9pm.
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