An autistic couple have issued a joint public statement clarifying that neither of them has ever been, currently are, or plan to be, the big spoon.
Alix Gardner and Des Ackerman, both 29, held a press conference yesterday to assert that there is no room for anything larger than a teaspoon in their relationship, and neither one of them would suffer the indignity of assuming the role of a bigger spoon, even if it meant a nice cuddle.
Gardner said: “Some people have accused us of being unromantic. We’re plenty romantic – I just don’t want to be the worst thing in the cutlery drawer.”
“We’re autistic! Why should we compare our beloved partners to something so abhorrent? We don’t go around asking neurotypical couples which one of them is secretly resentful of their partner but doesn’t want to be the one to do the dumping for some reason.”
Ackerman then offered a closing statement. “We are both always the little spoon all the time. It’s just that one of us is a slightly smaller spoon sometimes. Thank you for your understanding.”
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