An autistic woman has set herself the entirely feasible task of singlehandedly fixing all the ills of the world, her loved ones have claimed.
Ima Onwugbenu, 35, a librarian from Cheshire, has reportedly decided that she is personally responsible for ending capitalism, famine, genocide, climate change, the global fascist movement and the inexplicable popularity of James Corden.
Onwugbenu commented: “The continued prevalence of all these issues only goes to show that I’ve really dropped the ball lately, and for that I can only apologise.”
“I’m working round the clock to fix all this. I recognise that it’s all on me as an individual and I’ve let you all down.”
Partner Lucas Fletcher, 38, said: “I can’t convince Ima that she’s just one woman in the face of all these evil tech-billionaire-funded political projects, so could everyone please pitch in to help fight back? She hasn’t slept since November and I’m worried about her.”
“I’ll sleep when I’ve earned it,” Onwugbenu replied, before attempting to suck all the carbon out of the sky with her household hoover.
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