Your friend has threatened to call you on the telephone at an indeterminate point in the future, reports have claimed.
“Friend” Kelsey Dacey, 36, reportedly issued the threat to call you “for a bit of a natter”, in what sources are calling “a naked act of aggression”.
At 14.02 today, Dacey texted “I’ll call for a catch up later”, leaving you to grapple with the many unanswered questions this raises.
Eyewitnesses recounted you pacing your living room, muttering: “What does ‘later’ mean? Later today? Tomorrow? I’m going to need an expiry date so I don’t spend the rest of my life crouched unblinkingly by my phone like a Great British Bake Off contestant waiting for a soufflé to rise.”
“If you’re not able to provide an agenda, I’m at least going to need the social parameters of this ‘natter’. Is this a job interview or can I talk about my bacterial vaginosis?”
“I should just turn it off and put it in a drawer.”
Dacey commented: “When I said I’d call later, I didn’t mean it literally. Oh well, I’m sure you have better things to do than to wait by your phone for me to call.”
You were last seen three hours later, still staring desperately at your phone.
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