Autistic Pride Day welcome break from Autistic Shame Year
Autistic Pride Day is to provide a much-needed temporary respite from the remainder of a year spent marinating in shame, it has been rumoured. The event, which takes place today, the 18th of June, encourages autistics to feel positive about themselves – until the clock…
Autistic woman lands dream job as everybody’s unpaid educator
An autistic woman has finally landed her dream role as an unpaid educator for everyone around her, it has been reported. Navya Randhawa, 28, has always dreamed of wasting her precious time and energy explaining the modern world to everyone she meets. From family members...
Autistic woman just socialising through lifelong social hangover
An autistic woman enduring a daily social hangover has resolved to keep on socialising until the headaches subside – despite having felt this way for nearly half her life, sources have indicated. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Halton, repeatedly downs additional shots of chat after a...
Autistic writer upset they can’t submit second draft of conversation
An autistic writer has reportedly been left “frustrated” that they are unable to submit the second draft of the very stupid thing they just said in casual conversation. Jay Chester, 48, who regularly puts their foot in their mouth during routine social interactions, often redrafts...
Autistic woman joins pyramid scheme out of desperation for structure
An autistic woman has knowingly joined a pyramid scheme in the hopes of gaining some much-needed structure in her life, it has been reported. Niamh Callaghan, 31, was offered the chance to escape her chaotic life when a former classmate tried to charm her into...
Advertorial: Autistic completionist’s life ruined after discovering a History of Rock Music in 500 Songs
An autistic man who needs to find out everything there is to know about his special interest or his brain will itch until he’s dead has had his life “ruined” by discovering the single most verbose music history podcast in a frankly overcrowded market, it...
Wow! This autistic woman’s superpower is not understanding her feelings
An autistic woman has been gifted with the superhuman ability to not understand how she’s feeling about a single thing at any given moment, eyewitnesses have claimed. Miya Wilkes, 29, was blessed with an innate proclivity for having zero sense of what that the Perpetual...
I don’t know if I’m autistic, says woman whose special interest is autism
A woman doesn’t know if she’s autistic despite being completely hyperfixated on autism, it has been reported. Paige Thomas, 29, is unsure of whether or not she would meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis, yet simply relates to a bunch of stuff autistic woman say,...
“Innocent looking” autistic woman hiding thoughts of obscene filth
An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is concealing a rank and sordid mind of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured. Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual masturbation and...
Autistic woman actually more of a manic pixie reality girl
An autistic woman frequently mistaken for a manic pixie dream girl is actually more of a manic pixie cold-hard-dose-of-reality girl, it has been confirmed. Beth Hapworth, 26, who is often confused by straight men for the whimsical nymph of their male-gazey fantasies, will, in fact,...
Assistance required! Autistic woman’s self-checkout ruined by two simple words
An autistic woman’s weekly shop has ended in disaster after she was forced to interact with a person at the self-checkout, according to sources. Sabeen Bhatt, 42, was innocently scanning her groceries when the self-checkout prompted her for ID. Before she could cancel – or...
Wow! Autistic woman’s bisexuality makes her extra invisible
An autistic woman’s bisexuality has made her even more invisible than if she were just a regular autistic woman, sources have claimed. Tricia Squire, 34, has been gradually fading out of existence since her teen years, when her autism and bisexuality began a race to...
Autistic woman afraid to tarnish new notebook with bland insipid little life
An autistic woman is terrified of ruining a new notebook with her unoriginal, humiliating internal monologue, sources have revealed. Emma Bernard, 29, who purchased the A5 floral-patterned notebook last week while visiting an art gallery, is reportedly determined that it will remain on the shelf...
