Autistic woman replaces community mental health team with emo band
An autistic woman has replaced her local community mental health team with the edgy middle-aged men who have been propping up her emotional wellbeing since she was a teenager, it has been claimed. Krista Shure, 35, has given up on ringing her local non-emergency mental…
Autistic person who sent too many messages in a row actually really needs to ask you something now
An autistic person who sent too many texts in a row actually, er, has something important they need an answer about, it has been claimed. 19-year-old Avery Mann’s need to be thorough, coupled with their excited stream-of-consciousness communication style, means they are a notorious octuple-texter...
New genealogy website allows users to see which ancestors definitely had ye olde autisme
A new website has launched allowing people who like to collect dead relatives to trace the autism running through their family tree, according to a recent press release. After logging on to YeOldeAutisme.com, users are presented with a digital portfolio of letters, newspaper clippings, census...
The Great Sun Myth: new documentary seeks to answer question – where does it go when it’s dark?
A groundbreaking new documentary reportedly seeks to question the conventional narrative around the mysterious and unknowable orb at the centre of our galaxy. The Great Sun Myth, from the producers of Not Quite Walls, Not Quite Gaps: What are Doors? and Trees: What’s Their Game?,...
Autistic woman finally takes enough LinkedIn courses to become neurotypical
An autistic woman has completed enough courses on LinkedIn to become possibly the most neurotypical person alive. Deborah Whitehead, 34, takes LinkedIn courses whenever she needs to look busy at work, but believes she may have “girlbossed too close to the sun” and now knows...
Preventative! Autistic woman bakes for entire population, just in case someone out there is mad at her
This article is an It’s a Superpower?? special, set in the world of our audio sitcom! To find out more, see the bottom of the piece. An autistic woman whose greatest fear is someone being cross with her has reportedly baked enough cakes, pastries and...
Screaming baby on plane has a point
An autistic man aboard a flight has admitted that the squalling infant a few rows behind him is having a totally valid menty b, according to reports. Onye Egbuchunam, 50, was trying to sleep on the flight from Dublin to New York when baby Des...
Autistic man ironically ill-equipped for changes to his train journey
An autistic man’s train journey has unexpectedly changed, leading to the sort of ironic suffering normally reserved for an episode of The Twilight Zone, sources have revealed. Lucas Fletcher, 40, was supposed to be travelling from Milford Haven to London Paddington, and was anticipating no more...
Autistic woman’s moral compass suspiciously absent during video game
An autistic woman who habitually apologises to furniture when she accidentally bumps into it becomes a sadistic bloodthirsty monster when unleashed onto video games, sources report. Emma Bernard, 25, who still baulks at selecting the mean dialogue options during in-game conversations, absolutely fucking loves slaughtering...
“It’s reverse ableism” insists reverse not a bellend
Your reasonable-adjustment request is “reverse ableism”, according to a reverse not a cunt. Colleague Graeme Hart, 46, who has reverse excellent opinions about everything from politics to which number the office thermostat should be set to, somehow believes he is a victim of reverse discrimination,...
“Somebody stop me!” Autistic man masks so hard he accidentally becomes green-faced trickster
An autistic man is believed to have become a bit too good at masking, since he turned bright green and started whizzing around like Taz the Tasmanian devil, reports have confirmed. Ben Espenson, 40, was advised by his friends that he should be more outgoing...
Advertorial: Woman’s big Edinburgh Fringe show twist somewhat spoiled by advert in The Daily Tism
A woman promoting her Edinburgh Fringe show is working hard to conceal the big twist, starting with taking out an ad in The Daily Tism. In Giraffe, actor and writer Abigail Weinstock plays Eliana, a young woman who has always felt different for reasons she...
AuDHD project manager excels at work, fails disastrously at life
A professional project manager who effortlessly juggles multiple conflicting deadlines, deliverables and dependencies in her day-to-day work has a private life so shambolic it is functionally indistinguishable from that of a labrador turned into a human woman by a witch, sources have revealed. Sarah Harrow,...
