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    News

    Checkmate! Autistic woman finally leaves her therapist speechless 

    Sarah Amero, 2 days ago 2 min read  

    An autistic woman has finally left her therapist speechless with a trauma dump that even he is powerless to respond to, it has been reported. Navya Randhawa, 29, has been seeing therapist Ben Espenson, 55, for three years, in which time he has helped her…

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    News

    Autistic woman finally free after running out of fucks to give  

    An autistic woman has been liberated from guilt, worry and an unending cycle of avoidable conflict by officially handing in her last fuck, it has been confirmed.  Brenda Hernández, 45, who until recently had spent her life oscillating between fawning responses and explosive outbursts, issued...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 days ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Autistic man at networking event covertly edging towards buffet table 

    An autistic man at a networking event is hoping no one has noticed him quietly edging towards the buffet table, according to reports. By some accident of fate, 26-year-old Jack Harrington has found himself at a networking drinks for sales professionals. Although the other attendees...
    Sarah Amero, 4 days ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic man in hyperfocus fails to notice hunger, thirst or home robbery 

    An autistic man hyperfocusing on his special interest has failed to notice the passage of time, his basic bodily needs, and the gang of hoodlums ransacking his home, authorities have claimed.  Jack Harrington, 42, who started building a homemade automatic plant-watering system earlier this morning,...
    Sara Gibbs, 5 days ago 1 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman’s dog attracts other people, sadly 

    An autistic woman loves her dog – but not the attention he attracts from other people, it has been reported. Tricia Squire, 34, walks her five-year-old Samoyed, Chewy, twice a day, attracting constant attention from people eager to delay Squire’s walk on the baseless assumption...
    Sarah Amero, 6 days ago 1 min read  
    News

    The Princess and the Pea actually about autistic woman and her weird bedtime snack 

    The Princess and the Pea, one of Hans Christian Andersen’s most popular and enduring fairytales, has long been misunderstood by fans and literary critics alike, scholars have claimed.  Published in 1835, the tale was originally considered to teach children an important moral lesson: that posh...
    Laura Richmond, 7 days ago 2 min read  
    Fashion, Lifestyle, News

    Autistic woman owns three wearable outfits and 50 pipe-dreams 

    An autistic woman’s wardrobe consists of three things she can wear and about 50 she can’t, sources have said. Sabheen Bhatt, 25, describes herself as a “shoptimist” with a penchant for itchy jumpers, trousers that are impossible to eat in, and dresses that could only...
    Sarah Amero, 1 week ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman punished for fleeting moment of happiness by remembering mortality  

    An autistic woman has reportedly been punished for experiencing a brief moment of joy by immediately remembering the impermanence of life and that one day everyone who exists, including her, will be dead.  Ffiona Maw, 42, experienced a fleeting moment of unbridled happiness while enjoying...
    Sara Gibbs, 1 week ago 2 min read  
    News

    Missing their milestones? Autistic girls haven’t dabbled in witchcraft yet 

    Two young autistic girls have raised concern after failing to show a healthy childhood interest in witchcraft typical for neurodivergent girls their age, sources have said. Twins Lottie and Niamh Fitzgerald, 11, are about to start secondary school, but neither of them have even made...
    Sarah Amero, 1 week ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman concerned when limo driver stops to pick up random people 

    Headline by Anna Nicholson, winner of our Patreon caption competition. Piece by Sara Gibbs  An autistic woman who thought she was boarding an exclusive stretch limousine has been left “baffled and aggravated” after the driver repeatedly stopped to allow the general public on board, sources...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    Health, News

    Experts reveal the causes of Daily Mail readership and how to avoid them 

    In an announcement that has stunned the nation’s right-wing dickheads, experts have vowed to identify the causes of reading The Daily Mail by the end of the month. The collection of words and pictures, which technically qualifies as a “newspaper” despite containing more shrieking than...
    Sara Gibbs, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman who didn’t hear what you said about to chance it with a laugh 

    An autistic woman with auditory processing disorder who didn’t hear what you just said is about to take a risk and assume it was a joke, sources have revealed. Christine Smout, 40, can barely process a single word you’re saying in the noisy, overcrowded pub...
    Sarah Amero, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    News

    Autistic woman ordering at restaurant struggles to correct uncomfortable power imbalance 

    An autistic woman eating at a restaurant is struggling to cope with the notion of other people serving her, it has been reported. Kelsey Dacey, 37, decided to treat herself to dinner at her local Italian, but when waiter Graeme Hart, 29, laid down her...
    Sarah Amero, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
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