A pair of autistic lovers have caused a celestial disturbance following a “once-in-a-generation” ocular alignment, astrophysicists have said.
Professor Natasha Weaving, who made the discovery, has reportedly been left “stunned” by the revelation that seemingly inconsequential human occurrences can materially alter the fabric of existence.
Weaving commented: “I always thought a ‘cosmos shift’ was at best a metaphor for a profound emotional experience and at worst, vaguely amusing new-age claptrap. But fuck me sideways, it’s an actual thing! Two autistics making eye contact and enjoying it has fucked everything up.”
“I’m not kidding! The sun is now orbiting the moon, the Milky Way appears to have curdled, and Orion’s pants have fully fallen down.”
“It appears the inciting incident was the moment 29-year-old Chi-Young Lee locked eyes with 27-year-old Noah Michaels and found that it was not only safe and comfortable to do so, but that his eyes contained a deep ocean of love, as if he was offering her his very soul.”
Dr. Weaving added: “When I heard that I vomited so hard it caused a rip in the space-time continuum.”
Like what you’re reading? Make us your new special interest! Help us grow The Daily Tism by sharing our articles, following us on Instagram, Bluesky TikTok and Facebook, shouting us a coffee on Ko-Fi or joining our bonus-content-packed Club for Terrible Autistics by subscribing to our Patreon.
You can also watch episodes one and two of our sketch show, The Daily Tism News, in collaboration with Turtle Canyon Comedy and tune into our podcast, Autistic Women Oversharing to find out WAY too much about our writers.
