You will never finish your chores and obligations because life is a succession of one tedious fucking thing after another until you die, scientists have confirmed.

Dr. Brenda Hernández, who was first to propose the theory, explained: “You might be familiar with the story of the magic porridge pot, in which there’s a pot that makes porridge on demand, only the woman forgets how to tell it to stop, so it floods the whole town and they all drown in porridge. This story is completely factual, except the porridge is your housework and admin and the town is you. You are the town. Bad luck.”

“They call it ‘life admin’, which is funny because you’ll never actually have a life thanks to all this admin.”

Occupational therapist Miya Wilkes, 44, agreed: “Getting all these tasks done can be especially challenging for people who are neurodivergent and experience task paralysis or demand avoidance. The problem is them, of course, and not that there are too many tasks in the first fucking place.”

“It’s important to reward yourself every time you accomplish a task. Taken the bins out? Well done, your reward is that you get to book a dental appointment! Done that? Good job! Treat yourself to descaling the kettle!”

“Be sure to get some rest, but when you do, ask yourself: how could I rest more productively?”

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