Autistic people nationwide have expressed outrage as their neighbours are having an aggravating amount of fun on the other side of the wall, a survey has revealed. 

Respondents conceded that the next-door neighbours, separated from them by just a flimsy wall, are entitled to have a good time in their own home, but do they have to be so bloody obnoxious about it?

One anonymous source said: “My neighbours have two small children, who apparently enjoy afternoon discos, where they make that high-pitched ‘oooooh oooooooh’ noise nobody’s done since the nineties.”

“It’s like living next door to a Live & Kicking audience.”

“Mine is in a new relationship,” said another source. “I don’t know what’s worse, the uncomfortably loud sex or her laughing her head off at his jokes every five seconds. I’ve met him and he bored on for ten minutes about local property prices. Nothing he’s saying is that funny.”

They added: “If they don’t have their first row some time soon, I’m going to have to move.”

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