An AuDHD man has become the battleground for an escalating series of tense arguments after his autism and ADHD started sharing the same space, it has been reported.

Lloyd’s Autism, 37, and Lloyd’s ADHD, 37, both of Lloyd Didcot, 37, had been acquaintances for many years, but recently became roommates after breaking up with their long-term partners, Masking, 35, and Intense Soul-Crushing Guilt, 30.

“I thought ADHD would be the perfect roommate at first,” said Autism. “I used to think he was funny and quirky, and used to hate the way Guilt would bully him all the time. But it turns out Guilt was the only thing keeping him on the rails.

“He makes fried-egg sandwiches at three in the morning and drops the eggshells on the floor; he put the gas bill in the recycling without paying it, meaning I had to spend two hours on the phone to get it reconnected; and every time I try to sort my DVD collection he stops me before I’m halfway through. Everything after J is unalphabetised!”

ADHD responded: “It might take him less time to put his DVDs in order if he could actually see them. Light switches have an ‘on’ as well as an ‘off’ setting, you know.” 

ADHD then demonstrated this, spending half an hour repeatedly turning the big light on and off while staring vacantly into the middle distance.

“It’s not all bad, though,” stated Autism later. “I’ve worked out a system that will fix everything. I get control on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. ADHD gets it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And on Sundays like today it’s our new roommate Unjustifiable Optimism.”

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