An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is concealing a rank and sordid mind of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured.
Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual masturbation and dragging her boss down a dark well by the ponytail.
Dacey explained: “I’m rarely thinking about anything pleasant at work. Plane crashes, manslaughter, degrading sexual acts. You name it.”
“Fortunately for me, I give off the aura of a toddler visiting the seaside for the first time – so nobody suspects a thing.”
“Thank fuck for my wide eyes and vulnerable, unassuming demeanour,” Dacey continued. “I can’t wait to get home and watch another documentary about Britain’s most prolific child serial killers.”
Dacey’s boss Deborah Squire, 45, commented: “Kelsey’s our colleague with autism. Isn’t she delightful?”
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