New proposals to overhaul special needs education for autistic and disabled children are set to remove the right to an education, health and care plan (EHCP) in favour of a new model, in which children are simply told to get the fuck on with it, sources have claimed.
“I don’t see what could possibly go wrong,” said Sarah Harrow, 41, a mother of two autistic children. “We can just tell them not to be autistic and they’ll be fine. I wish I’d thought of that.”
Noah Harrow, 10, added: “Since adults started talking about taking away the support that means I can actually go to school, I’ve felt different somehow. I’ve started wanting to spend breaktimes on the playground where it’s loud, smells like hot rubbish, and I take a rogue football to the head at least twice a day.”
Parents and campaigners have expressed relief at the government’s renewed commitment to ignoring special educational needs and disabilities, hearkening back to those halcyon days when many more autistic children were left undiagnosed and unsupported, ready to become the psychiatric patients of the future.
MP Christine Smout stated, “This government is determined to crack down on disabled children. We’re sure that this will be popular with voters and no one will think that we’re horrible bastards.”
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