A dyspraxic woman has asserted that no amount of patronising verbal explanation will teach her to perform a motor skill she doesn’t have the coordination for, according to eyewitnesses.

Becky Armitage, 30, is at a bowling alley with you and your other friends, because every few years everyone’s adult friends will remember bowling exists and decide out of the blue that they like it. Because Armitage has been performing atrociously so far, you have approached her to explain it, seemingly unaware that she is not suffering from a lack of handy tips.

Armitage said: “Just because I look like a newborn deer whenever I demonstrate any physical motion, that doesn’t mean I don’t intellectually know how it should be done. The part of my brain that gets it and the part of my brain that has to do it have never really been on speaking terms.”

“Given that bowling isn’t a life skill, I’ll just take the fail, and next year we can do something that doesn’t involve heavy things that want to drop onto my feet.”

Armitage was last seen requesting a bowling ramp and glaring at you.

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