A dyspraxic woman has sustained multiple injuries just from wrapping her Christmas gifts, it has been revealed.

Krista Shure, who has somehow made it to 33, reportedly attempted to make her gift wrapping look Pinterest-worthy after developing the creeping fear that her presents were entirely dogshit and she needed to compensate for them. Shure’s efforts have so far resulted in third-degree burns, a sprained ankle and whiplash, otherwise known as the “injury lawyer starter pack”.

Shure said: “What, so just because I’m dyspraxic I shouldn’t get to have fun with wax seals, craft knives, iron-on beads, blowtorches and stapleguns? What are you, the cops?”

“I knew what I was doing! I knew I had to be careful and use a steady hand. But there was a miscommunication between my brain and body, and now I may or may not have done permanent damage to my nerves, tendons and soft furnishings.”

Shure was last seen admitting defeat and ordering some gift bags online, which unfortunately caused her to develop a repetitive strain injury.

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