A chronically ill autistic woman is officially on enough medication to start a lucrative side hustle, it has been revealed.
Alma Montague, 39, who has so many comorbidities she can sing their acronyms to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, realised recently that she now owns so many controlled substances, she probably needs some sort of license.
Montague commented: “What do you need? We’ve got a whole selection of painkillers, from aspirin to tramadol. Over here we’ve got your basic ‘my diet is fucked and these are the only things keeping me alive’ counter. What are you after? Atorvastatin? Metformin? Spironolactone?”
“But here’s the really good stuff,” Montague continued. “The mood-altering drugs. Combine them with these muscle relaxants and you’ll basically be comatose! It’s… kind of shit, actually.”
Montague then stared off into the middle distance until it was time for her evening dose of citalopram, after which she resumed her tour.
Montague was last seen selling her wares with a cheerful song: “PCOS-ASD-PMDD’s atrocious…”
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