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    News, Work

    Boss who scheduled unspecified chat better actually be firing you after all this 

    Your boss, who emailed you at quarter to five on a Friday asking if you can come to their office for “a quick catch up” on Monday morning, better actually be shitcanning you after wrecking your entire weekend, you have announced.  Tricia Squire, 48, reportedly...
    Sara Gibbs, 4 days ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Autistic man at networking event covertly edging towards buffet table 

    An autistic man at a networking event is hoping no one has noticed him quietly edging towards the buffet table, according to reports. By some accident of fate, 26-year-old Jack Harrington has found himself at a networking drinks for sales professionals. Although the other attendees...
    Sarah Amero, 2 weeks ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    “Rejection sensitive” autistic woman decides on career in the arts for some reason  

    An autistic woman with rejection sensitivity dysphoria has inexplicably decided to pursue a career that has an entire academic discipline dedicated to criticising it, sources have confirmed. Freya Emerson, 24, reportedly thinks being a writer-performer will bring her joy and fulfilment, despite every single thing...
    Sara Gibbs, 4 weeks ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Autistic woman trying to get out of work socials runs out of grandparents to kill off 

    An autistic woman has run out of grandparents to kill off as an excuse to get out of work social events, according to sources. Kelsey Dacey, 40, has managed to get out of white water rafting, rock climbing and other oddly Lara Croft-coded activities by...
    Sarah Amero, 2 months ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Workplace diversity initiative promotes just fully kissing autistic people on the mouth 

    A workplace diversity initiative aims to support autistic employees by giving them a massive snog, it has been reported. SMH, who optimise workflow solutions to maximise stakeholder value through data-driven KPIs, announced the new scheme to make autistic colleagues feel appreciated. Once per day, autistic...
    Sarah Amero, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    Health, News, Work

    Chosen! Safest-looking colleague at team meeting receives staring of a lifetime  

    The colleague in your team meeting who happens to have the most sympathetic face is about to be stared at so intensely they will likely conclude that you’re in love with them, it has been announced.  Miya Wilkes, 34, whose eyes positively twinkle with empathy...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 1 min read  
    News, Work

    Top employers of autistic people revealed as IT, retail and the X-Men 

    A recent survey has found that the top employers of autistic people are the IT and retail industries – closely followed by beloved superhero team the X-Men. Although the tech and retail sectors are known to employ many autistic people, the X-Men have never counted...
    Sarah Amero, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    Autistic woman just socialising through lifelong social hangover 

    An autistic woman enduring a daily social hangover has resolved to keep on socialising until the headaches subside – despite having felt this way for nearly half her life, sources have indicated. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Halton, repeatedly downs additional shots of chat after a...
    Elsa Williams, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    Health, News, Work

    Autistic writer upset they can’t submit second draft of conversation 

    An autistic writer has reportedly been left “frustrated” that they are unable to submit the second draft of the very stupid thing they just said in casual conversation. Jay Chester, 48, who regularly puts their foot in their mouth during routine social interactions, often redrafts...
    Sara Gibbs, 3 months ago 2 min read  
    News, Work

    “Innocent looking” autistic woman hiding thoughts of obscene filth 

    An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is concealing a rank and sordid mind of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured. Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual masturbation and...
    Elsa Williams, 4 months ago 1 min read  
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