Autistic Jack Torrance goes crazy due to all play and no work
An autistic writer has become severely mentally unwell, as the peaceful, quiet, work environment he was promised has turned out to be an overstimulating social whirl which has prevented him from getting any work done on his manuscript. Jack Torrance, 30, a former teacher turned...
Autistic woman can leave work toilets any time she fucking feels like it
An autistic woman hiding in a toilet cubicle at work can reportedly leave whenever she wants, alright? Alma Montague, 31, has merely taken a brief respite from her colleagues on the Sales team, just so she can briefly curse herself for taking a job in...
AuDHD man’s WFH just him going for an 11am coffee and forgetting to bring his laptop
An AuDHD man’s day of working from home has so far consisted of him going to a coffee shop to work and realising he hasn’t brought any actual work with him, witnesses have said. Ethan Stern, 31, envisioned a quiet yet industrious day of working...
Boss who scheduled unspecified chat better actually be firing you after all this
Your boss, who emailed you at quarter to five on a Friday asking if you can come to their office for “a quick catch up” on Monday morning, better actually be shitcanning you after wrecking your entire weekend, you have announced. Tricia Squire, 48, reportedly...
Autistic man at networking event covertly edging towards buffet table
An autistic man at a networking event is hoping no one has noticed him quietly edging towards the buffet table, according to reports. By some accident of fate, 26-year-old Jack Harrington has found himself at a networking drinks for sales professionals. Although the other attendees...
“Rejection sensitive” autistic woman decides on career in the arts for some reason
An autistic woman with rejection sensitivity dysphoria has inexplicably decided to pursue a career that has an entire academic discipline dedicated to criticising it, sources have confirmed. Freya Emerson, 24, reportedly thinks being a writer-performer will bring her joy and fulfilment, despite every single thing...
Autistic woman trying to get out of work socials runs out of grandparents to kill off
An autistic woman has run out of grandparents to kill off as an excuse to get out of work social events, according to sources. Kelsey Dacey, 40, has managed to get out of white water rafting, rock climbing and other oddly Lara Croft-coded activities by...
Workplace diversity initiative promotes just fully kissing autistic people on the mouth
A workplace diversity initiative aims to support autistic employees by giving them a massive snog, it has been reported. SMH, who optimise workflow solutions to maximise stakeholder value through data-driven KPIs, announced the new scheme to make autistic colleagues feel appreciated. Once per day, autistic...
Chosen! Safest-looking colleague at team meeting receives staring of a lifetime
The colleague in your team meeting who happens to have the most sympathetic face is about to be stared at so intensely they will likely conclude that you’re in love with them, it has been announced. Miya Wilkes, 34, whose eyes positively twinkle with empathy...
Top employers of autistic people revealed as IT, retail and the X-Men
A recent survey has found that the top employers of autistic people are the IT and retail industries – closely followed by beloved superhero team the X-Men. Although the tech and retail sectors are known to employ many autistic people, the X-Men have never counted...
