Autistic man “doing a silly bit” accidentally becomes professor of criminology
An autistic man has recently been promoted to professor of criminology at a prestigious university as a result of his ongoing commitment to what he describes as a “funny little autistic joke”, sources have revealed. Ethan Stern, 37, was appointed to the position at the...
AuDHD woman’s new job about to be really interesting for three days
An AuDHD woman is about to devote all of her passion and enthusiasm to her new job – but only for the next 72 hours, it has been reported. Talia Cohen, 36, announced on LinkedIn that she was “delighted” to be starting a new role...
“We’re a team that values honesty and direct communication” lies neurotypical job advert
A job advert written by a neurotypical HR manager is actually a big sack of stupid lies, sources have revealed. The advert, which claims that the company values honesty and direct communication, and “fosters a culture of respect and integrity” might as well have followed...
Autistic woman can have work or dignity but not both
An autistic woman whose government is desperate for her to experience the “dignity of work” cannot experience “dignity” and “work” at the same time, it has been claimed. Megan Aldrich, 30, works full time in an attempt to avoid starving to death, but is forced...
Autistic Jack Torrance goes crazy due to all play and no work
An autistic writer has become severely mentally unwell, as the peaceful, quiet, work environment he was promised has turned out to be an overstimulating social whirl which has prevented him from getting any work done on his manuscript. Jack Torrance, 30, a former teacher turned...
Autistic woman can leave work toilets any time she fucking feels like it
An autistic woman hiding in a toilet cubicle at work can reportedly leave whenever she wants, alright? Alma Montague, 31, has merely taken a brief respite from her colleagues on the Sales team, just so she can briefly curse herself for taking a job in...
AuDHD man’s WFH just him going for an 11am coffee and forgetting to bring his laptop
An AuDHD man’s day of working from home has so far consisted of him going to a coffee shop to work and realising he hasn’t brought any actual work with him, witnesses have said. Ethan Stern, 31, envisioned a quiet yet industrious day of working...
Boss who scheduled unspecified chat better actually be firing you after all this
Your boss, who emailed you at quarter to five on a Friday asking if you can come to their office for “a quick catch up” on Monday morning, better actually be shitcanning you after wrecking your entire weekend, you have announced. Tricia Squire, 48, reportedly...
Autistic man at networking event covertly edging towards buffet table
An autistic man at a networking event is hoping no one has noticed him quietly edging towards the buffet table, according to reports. By some accident of fate, 26-year-old Jack Harrington has found himself at a networking drinks for sales professionals. Although the other attendees...
“Rejection sensitive” autistic woman decides on career in the arts for some reason
An autistic woman with rejection sensitivity dysphoria has inexplicably decided to pursue a career that has an entire academic discipline dedicated to criticising it, sources have confirmed. Freya Emerson, 24, reportedly thinks being a writer-performer will bring her joy and fulfilment, despite every single thing...
