An autistic woman has found a sensory room at work ideal for mid-shift masturbation sessions, it has been reported. Emma Bernard, 31, from Bury, has been popping to the designated space for a bit of relief when it “all gets too much”. “This is Emma’s...

Despite scientific research having conclusively debunked the claim,  an autistic woman is still hoping vaccines do, in fact, cause autism, it has been rumoured.  Emma Bernard, 27, from Ancoats, has reportedly been seeking out a prime opportunity to inoculate allistic colleague Deborah Whitehead, 44, during...

A stand-up comedian recently confirmed as autistic has been boasting to friends that he’s not going to even mention it on stage because he’s not like those other neurodivegent stand ups. Sources have claimed that Stuart Laws, 40, walked on stage, took the microphone out...

An autistic woman emerging from yet another catastrophic job interview has reportedly consoled herself by saying it just wasn’t meant to be – the world of employment, that is. Emma Bernard, 34, from Widnes, came to the realisation after being rejected from yet another admin...

An autistic person has managed to suck all the joy out of their special interest by attempting to make money from it, reports have indicated.  Jay Chester, 42, has always loved baking as fun, low-pressure hobby, made the inexplicable decision to turn it into a...

An autistic woman is reportedly hoping her “let’s leave it until after Pancake Day” suggestion will successfully discourage unwanted work requests. Despite having recently returned from Christmas leave, Emma Bernard, 29, from Stockport, is said to be looking forward to “a well-deserved break” over what...

An autistic woman has been distraught to discover that the best version of herself only exists within a life-simulation video game, it has been announced. Sarah Harrow, 24, from Nantwich, boasts to prospective employers that she owns three properties, five Birthday Hot Tubs and has...

A fifth exclamation mark has successfully masked an autistic man’s social awkwardness, it has been confirmed.  Ryan Wilkins, 34, who struggles to compose work emails without sounding like a regency gentleman challenging a rival to a duel, recently decided that five exclamation points were the...

An autistic woman has confessed to frequently fantasising about making enough money to survive, sources have claimed. Certified freak Paige Thomas, 28, becomes extremely aroused whenever she imagines herself in a position of relative financial stability. Her most perverse fantasies include having a roof over...