Autistic woman cast as villain in family drama
An autistic woman has expressed gratitude for “the role of a lifetime” having been cast as the main antagonist in her lifelong family drama, sources have revealed. Growing up, Paige Thomas, 31, from Dewsbury, was typecast as “spoiled” and “absolutely impossible to please” – despite...
Sweet! Family doesn’t hate you, just your autism
Your family doesn’t hate you – just the neurological blueprint that forms the basis for your entire personality, it has been confirmed. A spokesperson for your family said: “We accept you just as you are, but we also wish that you were different in every...
“I grieve the loss of my autistic child” says mother of boy stolen by giant squid
A mother is grieving the loss of her son — not because he was dragged to the depths of the ocean by a rare sea creature, but because he had autism. Noah Michaels, 12, was snatched on a boat trip during a family holiday last...
Helpful mum LOVES commenting on daughter’s eating habits
A mother’s favourite pastime is commenting on her adult autistic daughter’s eating habits “out of concern for her wellbeing,” reports have indicated. Liz Thomas, 54, from Huyton – who was recently heard describing 0% fat soya yogurt as “moreish” – is horrified that her daughter,...
Autistic child refusing to smile simply thinks you’re dull
New evidence has uncovered a possible reason why autistic children don’t grin back at you — they simply think you’re ridiculous. Experts have been monitoring Lottie Fitzgerald, three, who had remained stony faced throughout her parents’ attempts to entertain her. The couple from Congleton, Cheshire,...
“We want the best for them” say anti-vaxxers who named kids Meadow and Sunbeam
A couple who are afraid vaccines will give their children autism, causing them to have a harder time in life, has also given them both really fucking silly names, it has been confirmed. Karen and Graeme Hoyland, both 43, who are terrified their children will...
Autistic child’s career prospects “greatly improved” by parents posting meltdowns online
An autistic child has issued a statement thanking his parents for increasing his future employment prospects by constantly posting videos of his most vulnerable and private moments on the Internet. Finley Rice, seven, said: “My parents have been working tirelessly to build me a brand...
Father’s Day gift excited to start new life in drawer
A Father’s Day present is eager to begin a new chapter in an autistic dad’s bedside drawer, according to reports. A wooden glasses stand shaped like a nose has been the latest to join forgotten presents from previous years – including toenail clippers, a Richard...
Learning your child has autism (and definitely didn’t get it from you)
It’s always tough adapting to a child’s new diagnosis. It’s especially hard if she’s in her late 20s with her own free will, and went and orchestrated the whole thing herself. Now you’ve done all the hard work of hearing about it, here’s our tried...
“I fear for my autistic son” says mum who thinks Gary Barlow sent friend request
A woman “worried” for the future of her autistic child believes the lead singer of Take That tried to contact her on Facebook, according to reports. Tricia Squire, 66, from Elton, reportedly received a message from Barlow on Tuesday evening asking to “borrow two hundred...
