Neurotypicals and autistics to compromise with medium talk
Allistic and autistic people have agreed to meet in the middle by engaging in medium talk, it has been announced. In a deal brokered by expert peace negotiators, questions such as “how are you?” will now be answered with “fine, thanks” and no more than...
Argh! Autistic woman can’t tell anyone how well she’s keeping secret
An autistic woman is reportedly “losing her fucking mind” due to being unable to tell anyone how competently she’s keeping a secret, it has been rumoured. Paige Thomas, 40, who found out the freakiest shit about a friend’s husband, Jack Harrington, 45, has been sworn...
Autistic woman cast as villain in family drama
An autistic woman has expressed gratitude for “the role of a lifetime” having been cast as the main antagonist in her lifelong family drama, sources have revealed. Growing up, Paige Thomas, 31, from Dewsbury, was typecast as “spoiled” and “absolutely impossible to please” – despite...
I wasn’t bullied, says woman just playfully ostracised at school
An autistic woman who was regularly targeted by her entire class remains certain she wasn’t bullied in primary school, it has been confirmed. Paige Thomas, 29, from Preston, said: “Those years evoke such precious memories! Girls confronting me in the toilets, chasing me down corridors...
Friend who politely asked about special interest unaware they’ve committed rest of life to hearing about it
A non-autistic friend who asked a polite question about an autistic woman’s special interest has no idea that they will be hearing about it until they’re dead, it has been rumoured. Pippa Durham, 29, made the fatal error when Paige Thomas, 36, mentioned her love...
Flirting? Autistic woman thought ghost was just really into pottery
An autistic potter has only just realised that she has been conducting an intense love affair with a ghost for the last three months, and not just teaching him about creating earthenware, it has been announced. Dexter Livingstone, 27, started turning up in the workshop...
Autistic woman celebrates spooky season by getting ghosted again
An autistic woman has marked the arrival of spooky season by getting ghosted once more, it has been rumoured. Niamh Callaghan, 26, had been engaging in flirty banter with Cameron Brereton, 29, for a little over three weeks when he abruptly disappeared from all social...
Torn apart! My therapist hates his therapist
An autistic couple have reportedly split after realising they have incompatible therapists. Dexter Livingstone, 35, and Paige Thomas, 32, made the decision to end their one-year relationship as psychotherapists Becky Armitage and Olivia Buckingham couldn’t make things work. Thomas said: “Dexter and I really did...
Wow! Autistic couple making ecstatic noises in bedroom must be enjoying bashing train sets together
An autistic couple loudly moaning with pleasure in their bedroom are “having a great time playing with their train sets,” their housemates have said. Paige Thomas, 26 and boyfriend Dexter Livingstone, 28, are frequently overheard from behind their closed door groaning, sighing and shouting “fuck...
Honestly! Autistic woman REALLY glad she went
An autistic woman reluctantly dragged to a bar by a group of friends has insisted she had a really good time, sources have revealed. Emma Bernard, 27, from Netherton, described haunting waves of loneliness washing over her as the night progressed – which she could...
