Hereditary! Autism picks off family one by one
An alleged curse has seen each member of a family realising they are autistic in turn, sources have claimed. Following the death of family matriarch Lottie Fitzgerald, her son Lloyd, Lloyd’s wife Talia and their children, Noah and Kelsey, have been led to suspect she...
Autistic couple keen to assert that neither of them is the big spoon
An autistic couple have issued a joint public statement clarifying that neither of them has ever been, currently are, or plan to be, the big spoon. Alix Gardner and Des Ackerman, both 29, held a press conference yesterday to assert that there is no room...
Argh! Autistic woman starts conversation she doesn’t want to finish
An autistic woman has accidentally started a conversation she doesn’t have the spoons to continue, loved ones have claimed. Brenda Hernández, 34, reportedly made a passing comment to her mother, Lucia Ruiz, 58, about wishing she could install air con in her rented property, prompting...
First domino falls in undiagnosed neurodivergent friend group
The first of a group of undiagnosed neurodivergent friends has finally figured it out, making it only a matter of time before the others start toppling into a big heap of late-discovered burnout, reports have indicated. Talia Cohen, 28, who started to suspect she might...
Autistic woman assesses prospective partners for gnawability
An autistic woman evaluates potential partners by making sure they are pleasant enough to chew on, it has been reported. Mary Walker, 34, has been on several dates, but has yet to find someone with the right sort of body composition to be a living,...
Mum gearing up for another year of getting special interest birthday present wrong
An autistic woman’s mother is planning another birthday present reflecting her daughter’s special interest back at her completely incorrectly, it has been rumoured. Tricia Squire, 65, really is trying, bless her, but hasn’t really understood what it is her daughter likes about witchcraft and has...
Autistic woman really sorry to bother you with her friendship
An autistic woman has spent every single moment of her friendship with you worried that she’s intruding on your precious time here on Earth, it has been revealed. Megan Aldrich, 24, reportedly loves talking to you for the fleeting moment before she starts worrying she’s...
Autistic woman happy to be godmother unless it means interacting with child
An autistic woman would love to be godmother to your child as long as she doesn’t have to actually do anything for her, sources have said. Miya Wilkes, 35, makes sure to politely enquire after your daughter whenever the two of you catch up, but...
Two autistics making eye contact cause entire cosmos to shift
A pair of autistic lovers have caused a celestial disturbance following a “once-in-a-generation” ocular alignment, astrophysicists have said. Professor Natasha Weaving, who made the discovery, has reportedly been left “stunned” by the revelation that seemingly inconsequential human occurrences can materially alter the fabric of existence. ...
Original Odd Couple? Autism and ADHD forced to cohabit in same person
An AuDHD man has become the battleground for an escalating series of tense arguments after his autism and ADHD started sharing the same space, it has been reported. Lloyd’s Autism, 37, and Lloyd’s ADHD, 37, both of Lloyd Didcot, 37, had been acquaintances for many...
