Autistic woman really sorry to bother you with her friendship
An autistic woman has spent every single moment of her friendship with you worried that she’s intruding on your precious time here on Earth, it has been revealed. Megan Aldrich, 24, reportedly loves talking to you for the fleeting moment before she starts worrying she’s...
Autistic woman happy to be godmother unless it means interacting with child
An autistic woman would love to be godmother to your child as long as she doesn’t have to actually do anything for her, sources have said. Miya Wilkes, 35, makes sure to politely enquire after your daughter whenever the two of you catch up, but...
Two autistics making eye contact cause entire cosmos to shift
A pair of autistic lovers have caused a celestial disturbance following a “once-in-a-generation” ocular alignment, astrophysicists have said. Professor Natasha Weaving, who made the discovery, has reportedly been left “stunned” by the revelation that seemingly inconsequential human occurrences can materially alter the fabric of existence. ...
Original Odd Couple? Autism and ADHD forced to cohabit in same person
An AuDHD man has become the battleground for an escalating series of tense arguments after his autism and ADHD started sharing the same space, it has been reported. Lloyd’s Autism, 37, and Lloyd’s ADHD, 37, both of Lloyd Didcot, 37, had been acquaintances for many...
“We mustn’t leave it so long next time” says AuDHD friend who’ll see you in a decade
An AuDHD friend who has vowed to get better at staying in touch will see you whenever the next parent dies, sources have confirmed. Jay Chester, 40, can’t believe it’s been so long since you last met up and genuinely intends to remedy the issue...
Housemates’ conflicting sensory needs predicted to result in horrifying bloodbath
A neurodivergent household in which individuals have differing sensory needs is a situation that can only end in some sort of four-way duel, experts have warned. The warning came after residents of a suburban dwelling in Nottingham recently reported an ambulance permanently parked outside their...
Autistic woman enjoying herself on date wonders what the catch is
An autistic woman having a wonderful time on a date has become increasingly suspicious after failing to detect anything wrong with it, according to reports. Beth Hapworth, 27, became wary of 26-year-old Noah Fields over the course of their dinner date after he revealed himself...
Report: Autistic woman really just going to keep on dating the guy she wishes he was, huh
An autistic woman has made the bold decision to keep dating the impressive man she wishes he was, instead of the horrid little worm boy he actually is, it has been announced. Sarah Harrow, 27, first fell for Dexter Livingstone, 31, after he initially presented...
“You can unmask with me” says neurotypical who doesn’t realise you’re feral
A non-autistic friend who wants you to feel safe to unmask with them has no idea what they’re saying, it has been confirmed. Eli Port, 44, would like you to be comfortable enough to be your true self – but is reportedly unaware that your...
Uh oh! AuDHD man finds someone polite enough to be captive audience
An AuDHD man is reportedly “chewing the ear off” a new acquaintance who’s too nice to simply wander off like everybody else does. Mac Wheatley, 38, was delighted to find himself seated next to Anand Trivedi, 46, at a mutual friend’s wedding, after Trivedi proved...
